This is the Anti-Bun Bouncer.  This dude needs good ole’ fashioned powder slap.

Actually probably not.  This dude is troubled.

-Hotdogs Anderson

That was actually a direct quote from Mark Jackson. The man clearly appreciates good banter. I appreciate the fact that he can bring educated ig’nance (guff, what?) to the court in the form of his NBA analysis. I actually am having a hard time in my daily life trying to not periodically exclaim, “MAMA THERE GOES THAT MAN” or “HAND DOWN MAN DOWN” whether it is appropriate or not. It may become a problem at some point. I’m cool with the president of my company, but I can’t just get up and yell “MAMA THERE GOES THAT MAN” when he strolls past my office to get some coffee can I? I mean even if he just chuckles and gives me the “I’m too rich to ask you what that means” look, he can’t feel comfortable with the fact that I am one of his employees. Similar inappropriate circumstance: If you’re a teacher and you call on the poor little sh@t who has his hand down, just because you want to humiliate him for not knowing the answer. “Manny, what’s 4X4??? Oh…judoknow? HAND DOWN MAN DOWN MANNY! IT’S 16! GET YOUR ARSE TO THE TUTOR!”

Basically I like the idea of giving a play by play to real life. If I could have Mark Jackson stroll behind me every day basically letting the people know all the cool ish I was doing, it would be pretty hilarious. Kind of like Cleotus’ personal midget that “pings” other employees around the office. Some scenarios might be strange, even though I would get a personal guff If Mark Jackson and Van Gundy waited outside the bathroom to give play by play to me doin’ work on the royal thrown….”Grits and Gravy…he had some loaded nachos earlier…2 hours later…in the bafroom…droppin it like its hot…he even brought the ESPN Magazine in there…MAMA… THERE GO THAT MAN!” My favorite is how at every commercial break in a game that he does, Mark will hit you with the recap of everything that happened. If Le’bron or Dirk or D Wade took over for that 4 minute segment of the game, he would basically hang from their nuts for a good 15 seconds leading into the commercial break. Like this clip about Kobe..

Guffaw, I mean I don’t care if you like the player or not…but Kobe can go watch this youtube video and basically sit back and be like Damn I guess I am a BAMF huh…If any normal Joe had a clip like this to go watch about himself it would solve the problem of depression in America. “Well Mark Jackson thinks I’m a bad man, he even told his mama about it…(sniff)…I guess I can step back from the ledge.” For people who already have really high self esteem, it would basically just reinforce how cool they think they are. Side public service announcement: F what you heard, and F what people think…If you are happy with yourself and think you are cool, you are…Right brotha?

There is too much Passion out there in the world to truly feel like your life is boring. I fancy myself quite the goon, but my lifestyle would only be supplemented by a personal reporter there to not only report the times when Passion is dropping it in my drawls, but when I’m really making plays. I guess my point is don’t be afraid to be your own commentator. Sure people may think you a bit strange, but eventually they will start to drink the Kool-Aid. If you decide to get some Post Work Casuals (PWCs) that somehow turn into PWA (Post Work Agressives), and you beat somebody in a chug, don’t be afraid to let out a “HAND DOWN. MAN DOWN” and bust the Dirk NBA Championship dance in their face.

GUFFAW!!

-Grits

One of my co-workers and boys said we were severely slacking with our efforts. I completely agree. The man has us by the balls – too much work or blocking sites on the network. I know we gots to do better.

Well its summer time and wedding season. All the broads are dressing less and ready to get it dropped in their drawls. I’m here to assist. Today I got “shawty got her eyes on me” by Donnell Jones. I did not know there was a video to this joint. This is some SMOOTH sh&t right here. Make ya wanna get grimey at the club.

NOW GO BE LIKE SHAWN MARION AND SLOW STROKE ONE OUT UNTIL WE GET MOTIVATED TO POST!

-G&G

Now onto today’s RAL

• Airlines are MEGA TREACH. Nothing more than that really, just saying. Though it probably stems from me trying to find a flight for memorial day weekend(yea, that’s next weekend. oops). Trying to find a flight for less than the scrill equivalent of a kilo of cocaine is synonymous with impossible
• The Cavs getting the first and fourth picks in the NBA draft screams #conspiracy. I trust the NBA this much: 0
• Speaking of the NBA, I have an intense dislike for Jalen Rose. I’m all for a brother making his scrill but ESPN needs to stop putting Jalen Rose on my TV screen. He’s this rare mix of over cooning and over trying. The result: Verbal Mouth Poop(Yes, it’s a scientific term. Look it up)
• Oh, and Cleveland celebrated those picks like they just won the NBA championship. I think it’s pathetic that the two biggest sporting events of the year are the NFL Draft and the NBA Draft Lottery. Right, because that’s cool. Yea, it’s about as cool as being hit repeatedly in the testicles with a wiffle ball bat while being forced to listen to Soulja Boi rap
• My PS3 is still broken. Which means I’m still a broken soul.
• Twitter isn’t going away is it? So we’re really just going to go with it?
• I’m late so I’m not going to elaborate too much but I’ll say while I wasn’t exactly in the streets celebrating the death of Bin Laden, I’m not disappointed that he’s not with us anymore.
• So Arnold Schwarzenegger got down with the help and had himself a child out of wedlock. Damn Bruh. While I do not condone what The Governator did he broke rule one of infedility. Trade up…or at least sideways. Can’t be getting down with this. And seriously, celebrities and athletes. You really need to A- stop cheating or B- stop getting married and you need to DEFINITELY C start wrapping it up. Can’t be having kids with people that aren’t your significant other. That’s just wrong. Like two dudes kissing. Gross.
• Nope. It’s definitely not going away. Shit.

Logic aka The One The Prophecy Foretold Of

Old news now but Obama is really droppin’ it in some bureaucratic drawls with the “eradication” of Osama Bin Laden (eradication=complete and utter murking). He’s still got that $14 trillion dollar tab to pay to Uncle Sam for the national debt, but Obama has certainly got the US of A looking pretty good in terms of global intelligence and Armed Forces swag. This video of the “original” Obama speech  last Sunday night has me rolling on this otherwise unbearable Monday morning.

I knew Obama should’ve hit some soul train dancing down that long ass red carpet. This dude actually drops some pretty fire lines in the song, and his Obama voice prompts hearty guffs from this guy. His exit dance at 3:05 is ridiculous also. Cleary you have to be serious in your approach and delivery with a speech like that to the American people, but I can always appreciate a little bit of nonsense.

-Grits

• Alright, this is really grinding my gears. Why are AMERICANS so obsessed with the Royal Wedding? We do not have a King here. We do not have Queens. No Princes, Dukes, Princesses, Suchesses, etc. So why do people care so damn much about the Royal Wedding? Seriously? I mean do y’all not remember that England tried to drop it off in our colonial drawls in the 1770’s? Now we just let bygones be bygones? Nah playboi. Not me. I won’t even visit England. I hold grudges. So should every other red-blooded Amurican.
• Now I didn’t major in British Politics, but don’t they have a Prime Minister now? They aren’t even run by the Royal Family anymore are they? Assuming those statements are accurate, that makes this fetish that much more mind bottling (yes, I said bottling)
• If your obsessed, so be it. But do you really need to wake up at 3, 4am just to watch it? Take the day off from work and all that? Honestly? That’s guffable. I mean mix in a DVR and if you don’t have a DVR I’m pretty sure it’s not THAT big of an event. If I was a boss and someone came in tired as hell or called off from work they would return Monday and find feces on their chair and a note that says “You’re fired” with a picture of Donald Trump.
• The NFL Draft is tonight. Normally I’m all over the draft. But this year? NOPE(spoken like Lana from archer. Google it if you don’t know what sound bite I’m talking about. Its defeinitely guffers). This lockout has taken all excitement out of the draft for ya boy Logic. I honestly hope the owners get it dropped in their billion dollar drawls in all of these law suits.
• If the fans don’t boo Roger Goodell I will be mega disappointed.  I’m really looking forward to a chorus of South Park related ginger hatred chants. Don’t let me down fans
• Speaking of Big Rog, I’d like to kick him in the chest. Which is not as disrespectful as a slap to the face but will inflict maximum bodily harm if executed properly. I will go to a karate dojo to perfect this strike and then use it on The Goodell. He’s cuffing with my football, and I do NOT like it
• Not sure if I’ve mentioned this previous but I’m a 49ers fan (guff). There’s talk of them drafting Blaine Gabbert. If they do you can all but guarantee a suicide bombing of their facilities before his entire name gets out of Mr. Roger’s mouth. Seriously, I had never heard of Blaine Gabbert until Andrew Luck said he was going back to school. Now he’s battling to be the top QB with Cam Newton (who also shouldn’t be picked high). It really bothers me that I could make better draft decisions than a majority of NFL GMs. Once again, my services are for sale. Why is no one taking me up on my offers?
• I did not research this in anyway but I will state it as fact: Cleveland is the record holder for A the most consecutive days with some amount of rain and 2 the overall worst weather. This is turrrrrrrble. I really can’t tell you the last time I saw the sun. August 2010?

Happy Draft Night, hopefully I get out of work in time to enjoy it

“Ish just got real like Pinocchio turds”  – Gambino

comes the new Double Dream Feet:

What in the world made this guy think this dance up?  It’s hilarious yet turrible at the same time.

Charles Barkley does not approve and neither does ATI:

-Hotdogs Anderson

Man cuff these bish a$$ uggins, How y’all doin?

I’m Lil’ Tunchi, I’m a nuisance, I go stupid, I go dumb like the 3 Stooges

That song goes hard (even Sisquo Jr. Chris Brown).  But this dude right here does not go hard (NH):

He is definitely on something or is dumber than the 3 Stooges.  I wonder what he’s really listening to on his throwback Walkman?

What does Breezythink about this version of the video?

-Hotdogs Anderson