Breaking News: America is FAT

Posted: August 6, 2009 by Logic in Generic Banter, You're Better Than That
Tags: , ,

Breaking News: America is FAT

The same country that brings you some of the greatest athletes in the world, the NBA, the NFL, MLB, and wins countless numbers of medals at the Olympics, is also the same country that brings you this

Here are the only times that its acceptable to be fat:

1 It helps you play your sport(An offensive linemen, shotputter, things of this nature)

2 Never

Now of course the numbers are probably skewed because they just go off a little chart that lists height, weight, and age then find the number that you supposedly should be at. All you have to do is be swoll and immediately this chart would say your obese. While that may raise the numbers a little bit, when you advertise this:

What can you expect but for to have a fat country?  Now I’m not talking about the 40 year old guy who’s given up because he’s married, has kids, and is miserable(post on this soon to come).  I’m talking about the 23 year old who eats taco bell more than he eats fruit and if asked to define the word “treadmill” he would fail.  I’m talking about the freshmen girl who hits college, finds out that there is all you can eat soft serve and begins drinking beer but she couldn’t tell you where the athletic center is.  I’m talking about the 10 year old who’s parents are too lazy to parent him, so they just shove him in front of the TV with a PS3 and a box of cookies and say have fun. I’m not saying you need to be a constant in the gym, but when you see yourself taking a turn for the worst do something about it.  And I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for damn sure that when I have a kid they will not have a video game console, they’ll do what me and my friends did; go out and play. This is my favorite though:

Person: Hi, can I have a big mac meal. Ummmm, supersize that actually. Oh and can you add bacon to that big mac please

McDonalds worker: No problem sir, what would you like to drink with that?

Person: A diet coke please.

REALLY?! No, No, REALLY?! That’s just Ig’nant.  You ain’t fooling nobody by ordering that diet coke.  The damage was done well before you even asked to add bacon to your big mac playa.  You already got it supersized, you may as well take the extra step and get all the flavor of coke instead of selling yourself short with a diet coke. Why get the diet coke? So when you and your friends talk about what you’re doing to be unfat you say “I only drink diet coke now”, but leave out the part about the big mac, or that you were even at mcdonald’s in the first place.  Mix in a water, a salad, and an elyptical, that may actually help.


  1. J Edd says:

    All good, but I dont like the elliptical reference. Someone needs to do a blog on the overall uselessness of elliptical machines.

  2. The dark knight says:

    I completely agree with everything stated in this post about the United States of America experiencing an epidemic. Obesity. I believe the only way to solve this problem is to start getting after people for there terrible eating habits and appearance. Nothing will get a person on a treadmill faster or start eating that soy smoothie then shame. So all you people in the fast food industry working behind the counter the next time someone comes in and orders that extra bacon on a big mac just say “No.” Then if they try and order that diet coke say “hell no” and then bust out the baby powder apply to hand generously and proceed with the open hand slap. I will e-honda the shit out of someone the next time I hear someone order a diet coke with a big mac.

  3. Jacque_Strap says:

    Have that.

  4. […] talked about fast food before here and more specifically McDonalds here, but never has the ig’nance reached this extent. Things […]

  5. […] whoever created the Burrito Bowl needs to be castrated. It’s like the person who orders a diet coke with their big mac meal and things they’re being healthy, BUT YOU’RE ACTUALLY NOT.  I mean ish, its not even a burrito. It’s a rice, bean, and […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s