“Haters Corner” with Darkne$$

Posted: August 6, 2009 by DARKNE$$ in Throw Your Beer, You're Better Than That
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I wouldn’t call myself a ‘hater’ per se…I’m not the type of hater that Maino and B.O.B. were talking about in their songs about trick ass mark ass busters that hate on other people for ballin.   I like, no check that, love to hate on ish that is just dumb, annoying, or stupid.  Simple ass people need to be hated on and in some cases they need a Hacksaw Jim Duggin type clothesline to the chest.  Some people/things are just plain raaaaaa-tarded.  I refuse to sit by idly and watch stupidity spread without saying something.

While there is a fine line between hating and being a jealous beotch, I feel like I’ve mastered the art of hating on what needs to be hated on.  Much like how some broads have mastered being a skinny fat girl or a fat skinny girl.  With that I, DarkeSS aka Tony Man-za, present to you “STUFF I HATE”

Old People Cutting in Line….LET’S GO you crusty ass mofos.  Don’t do stuff and act like you don’t know what you are doing! Old people are crafty…like wizards…they use their old wrinkled bodies to their advantage.  For example…old people love to cut in line and act like they don’t know what they are doing…you know what you are doing Gladys…you know I can do anything for fear of public ridicule.  I’ve thought many times about kicking that cane from under Lester’s fragile excuse for a body and watching him shatter on the sidewalk.  Attention geezers…being old does not give you a free pass to do whatever you want!

Ridiculously Drunk People…I mean cooooooome on! You gotta know your limits.   I’m not talking about the dude or chick that gets a little too tipsy and sprays stomach graffiti on the stall in the bathroom and has to be escorted home.  I’m talking bout the dbag that drinks so much that he has to fight everyone he sees or the girl who is passed out in the trash with her dress above her head wearing panties that say Wednesday on them.  Or the broad that so hammed up that she is hitting people while doing a ridiculous dance on the dance floor.  Let’s not forget my personal favorite…the people who fall asleep at the bar.  If you are sleepy at the bar…you should not be at the bar…please remove yourself.  If you drink yourself into a slumber…you sir are an alcoholic…get help.   Before you are catching ZZZZZ’s at a place called Bed then that’s an excuse…hell if you get comfortable enough you can sleep anywhere.

People who HATE on iPhones…to all Blackberry or Palm users…TASTE IT!  Don’t be mad because you don’t have AT&T/Cingular and you can’t get an iPhone and you hate on it.  Sorry your phone has the same weight and capabilities as a rock.  Also if you phone still flips or you are using T9 to type text…sir you are not balla.  Just admit that the iPhone is awesome and move on.  If you actually like your piece of ish phone then there is no need to talk about how happy people are with iPhones.  If not…you will get your ass kicked…yea…there’s an app for that.

Large People who don’t know they are Larger…did you look in the mirror this morning or this year?  I mean you know that you are a big person…so move accordingly.  You can’t squeeze into a crowded train or sit in a small space seat between two people on the bus.   You have to learn how to maneuver like someone the body mass of a mini cooper.  Now don’t get me wrong…many of my friends are large goons (mainly muscular NH) but we are well aware of that.  So when we are at a drinking establishment we go to a corner as not to disturb anyone else with our largeness.  Take notes…just because you had a salad from Wendy’s for lunch doesn’t mean that you can squeeze into an already crowded elevator and rub your side meat on are. Just sayin!

The time of year wear there is no Football or Basketball…man this is the worst time of the year.  While its only a couple of months, the time between the NBA Finals and the start of NFL/College Football is brutal.  I mean baseball is supposed to be America’s pastime but I can’t watch baseball unless there is something on the line.  And for 150 of the 162 games there is nothing on the line…even the baseball players get bored with baseball after a while.  WNBA, NASCAR, The Little World Series, and random soccer can’t fill the void of NFL, NBA, and NCAA.   Every couple of years we get something like the World Cup that satisfies the sports craving…but other than that this is the time of year wear you catch up on past season of 30 Rock…Damn Tracy Morgan is funny!

Aggressive Bums…”ohhhhhh I’m sorry Mr. Smelly Ass Bum I didn’t see you there.  Thank you for peeing on the seat where I would like to sit on the train. You’re the best.”  Bums need to chill out.  Yelling at someone for not giving you a dollar is not going to get them to turn around and give you one.  Also be happy for what you get, don’t stand outside Popeyes asking for $4.99 so you can get a 3 piece and a biscuit. Just realize that when people are in a giving mood they will give you stuff.  But if you are looking and acting crazy or making people feel bad with your made up story about loosing a kidney in the war…you’ll get nothing and like it.   All your money is going to the cool little kids that are break dancing in the park…get a talent…and recycling your piss does not count.   Or you can get a clever sign…everyone loves a clever sign.

Dudes on roids at the gym…Congratulations  D-Bag.  You are stronger than everyone at your neighborhood gym and you walk like a fridge with legs.  If you are not playing a professional sport and have the chance to make millions of dollars and set egregious records…THERE IS NO REASON TO BE ON STEROIDS.  You can tell the dudes that are on roids because they don’t do anything at the gym but stand around other roid heads and talk about what they are taking.  Great you can curl the 180lb dumbells…here a steroid cookie.   To bad you can’t take roids for your personality and looks.  Now please let the people who actually work out naturally use the bench Pill Parcels.

Unnecessarily dumb ish….like this Louie Vuitton trash bag…you really have money to throw away.  Idiots!

If  you see something stupid…address it and rub it’s face in it so it will learn not to do it again.

Darkne$$ aka Ludafist

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