Archive for October 19, 2009

I like to think that I’m a pretty huge MJ fan and when he died it made me realize how great he was.  This lead to mad people, include ya boy Darkne$$, listening to MJ all over again.  But I was browsing some past ATI post and I came across a post of ATI field report Dry Dick Donnie inteviewing Mike Vick.  In the video he starts singing MJ’s “Liberian Girl”.   This prompted me to look to see if there was ever a video for said song.  WELL THERE WAS!!!!

Mike what were you doing in this video?

Cleotus…I need 2 shakes of Johnson and Johnson’s finest baby powder stat!

MJ, the king of pop, this was the most pointless video ever!  I don’t care how many people love and adore you…you deserve to get the white slapped off of you! You probably invented the moonwalk to get away from powder slaps you creative bastard.

How did you get every 80’s film, music, and television star to agree to be in a video about nothing.  The song was entitled “Liberian Girl” but instead you have people like Whoopi Goldberg,  Theo Huxtable,  John Travolta, Weird Al, Susan Summers,  Lou Diamond Phillips, and Don King to name a few.  He got all these people together to act like they were making a video.  You know how much money it prob cost to get people to act like they were making a video and then just film everyone sitting around?   MJ had that much power and respect from entertainers.  Absurd.  I can’t imagine anyone doing this today.  Can you see Jay-Z getting all the big time stars to come sit around a pretend to shoot a video?  Not happening.  You know why? Because time is money.  Those people just loved MJ so much that if he wanted them to sit around in diapers while he pretends to make a video they probably would have.

BTW: Carl Weathers gets creepy at the :57 mark “You know something Whoopi, it would be a blast if Michael asked me to dance.”  What?!?!  Can I get a NHND after that?  Jeez.   And Jasmine Guy could get it…she was old girl on A Different World that Dewayne Wayne tried to DIIHD.   Correction…Jasmine Guy could get it back then…she did not age well at all. LOL Sad Face.

Jasmine Guy

Anyway…everyone in this video should be powder slap for taking part in such nonsense starting with Bubbles! Why Bubbles? Because he was probably the only one who realized that this was stupid and could convince MJ not to do it.   If you ever moonwalk out of the grave  Mike…be prepared to be slapped.

Darkne$$ aka Launchpad McBlack

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Most people are aware of the new T-Pain App on the iPhone and iPod Touch called “I AM T-PAIN”.   This may be one the most ignant and most ridiculously fun creations to every be made.   Most people think they can sing and try to in the shower and at karaoke but in reality…90% of you sound like William Hung.

But don’t let that get you down…cuz now you can use autotune to correct your raggedy ass voice.  I still don’t understand how they did this but basically all you have to do is sing into the microphone and your voice is automatically tuned to the right chords.  This ish will make anyone sound like a Grammy award-winning artist.  There  are preset titles from T-Pain such as Bartender, In Luv with a Stripper, and I’m Sprung.  You can sing with the words like karaoke or just freestyle over the instrumental.  You can even turn the autotune off and just use your stupid voice if you want to get a laugh out of people.  But best of all…you can record all your songs.  This is going to have everyone thinking they are the next Drake “Drizzy” Rogers.

With the proper equipment you can hook this up to speakers in your home, on the go, or in your car and sing until you get discovered by Dr. Dre.   It’s perfect for ordering food in the drive thru, telling people that Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sundays, or wasting some time in traffic.   Never again will  you be bored and drunk.  Never again will you have to listen to someone’s terrible voice and pretend to like it.  Just ask them politely to sing into the mic. BOOM they’re a star!   Hell even the stars are loving the app!

I’m telling you that this is going to be huge.  Best $4.99 you can spend.  Just ask President Obama:

HAHAHAHA…you can see how much ridiculousness can come out of this.  Look out for that ATI theme song on that I AM T-PAIN app coming soon.

Darkne$$ aka BlacGuyver

We at ATI like to go out and casually enjoy some adult beverages from time to time.  But you’d never catch one of us looking like this guy:

Damn mane.  He was struggling.  It took him like 2 minutes just to stand back up.  For him, gravity is a bish.  What makes this worse is the fact that it is 10AM on a TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!   LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  What are you doing that drunk on a Tuesday morning?  Do you have a job?  He should be in bed passed the F out but instead he is going shopping for more beer.  WHY DO YOU NEED MORE BEER?  In his mind he was just thinking about this:

And did you peep his lean game when he was trying to walk out of the store?  He had the ill MJ lean going on.

If I were the owner of that store and had this man falling all over the place I’d be going straight to the toiletries aisle, getting be a fresh bottle of baby powder, powder my hand, and slap the ish out of his drunk a$$.

-Hotdogs Anderson aka Mr. Slap-a-Bish