Archive for April, 2010

P-Droppa Friday

Posted: April 30, 2010 by Cleotus Jenkins aka the Slow Stroka in Musical Knowledge, P-Droppa Friday
Tags: , ,

First off, I want to thank Darkne$$ for stepping in last week. I’m a negligent negro. Boozing on Thursday and Friday post work severely affect my ATI performance. But if ya got a problem, I’ll rip ya lips off and kiss my ass with them sh&ts:

This fine Friday, we got “Weak” by S.W.V. (Sistas With Voices). This must’ve been what my boy Tiger was playing while he had all them hoes tonguing his ballz. THAT’S RIGHT. I WENT THERE.

Damn SWV was kind of sexy. I bet they thick as sin these days and not in a good way.

-Mr. Stroka

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Grits and Gravy comin’ at you from 30,000 ft above God’s Ignant Earth to let all you old heads peep the life of a struggling college boy. Now, logically(shout out to Logic), you might be asking…”Grits, why are you on a plane right now? Shouldn’t you be living college, enjoying your last semester, and gooning out for the last time in your collegiate career??(which is to say TRULY gooning out with no remorse or care for the real world consequences). Good effin’ question people, I should be 30 beers deep, rockin my CTE shirt, stumbling back to my room with a spicy YT named Juanita, who I would have conveniently met at baja tex mex while getting my regular late night heat nachos. Alas, I am not doing any of those things. I am sitting on flight 399 to St. Louis, trying not to make direct eye contact with the decadent male flight attendent who is about to throw that bag of low fat cheese nips into my lap…

Airport/flight passion is a post for another day…but back to the question at hand. The question you ask about my absense from college stems from stone cold logic.   The answer…is deeply rooted in nonsense and chicanery.  Yea…you guessed it world..our old friend Passion.  Now your boy Grits is a graduating senior about to receive a degree from a prestigious academic institution…but does passion care? Heeeeelllll naw.  Dr. Passion spits on my academic accomplishments and real world experience.  Dr. Passion graduated top of his class from Service U, and earned his Playa Hatas Degree(PHD) from the Taste It Technical Institute(TITI).  Bottom line is…I’ve got that Job Search Passion.  Now Grits did not get that offer from the finance firm back in September, so your boy has been scraight up struggling to find a respectable company who is A. Hiring or B. Hiring me.  The b*#&h is…I have no idea why.  Ok , Ok..hold up Grits, it’s a tough job market…and the economy is bad.  CUFF THAT!  There are opportunities out there for people like me.  Ask any of the ATI crew…G&G is a lot more than just a fast talking mulatto with a thirst for Soco and a weakness for anything above a 515.  I have skills, good skills, and a pending degree from an Ivy League Institution.  Frustration is at all time highs.  I hope you’re happy Dr. Job Search Passion…sometimes I feel like you are a figment of my imagination, built by my childhood to keep me in the nonsensical days of carefree existence…If that’s really the case, then cheers lil homie…

But for real…Mr. HR Director, Ms. Account Manager, Hell…Ms. Receptionist…ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS.  Give me 10 minutes of your passion filled day to talk to you.  Don’t even get me started on returning e-mails.  I mean I know you are busy, I get that, but do you realize how hard it is to find contact info on some of you?? It’s harder than coming home from a long night of hamboozlery and trying NOT to order the 2 medium 2 topping pizza deal from Dominos! I know you are busy, I do…but damn.. hit me back at SOME point. 

Now these days you definitely have to know somebody to get anywhere…shouts out to the ATI family for all their support.  But through this process, I feel like employers are just looking for kids they don’t mind being around all day, and maybe going to have casuals with after work once or twice a week.  If that’s what you want…look no farther Mr or Mrs HR director.  I can hang out better than grampa’s balls when he’s wearing short shorts.  $h*t, put me in a room with Oprah, Hitler, your girlfriend’s DUFF(Designated Ugly Fat Friend), a couple bottles of Firefly, and the Michael McDonald Motown CD…and I’ll give you a sesh that would rivals those had by ATI in New Orleans(minus the No-Doz).  I mean we come out of that sesh and Hitler would NEVER go back to white German women, Oprah will have loaned me $2 mill to get the ATI/CTE mixtape/reality series off the ground, and a beautiful ethnic masterpiece named Heathcoat would grace the earth with his Swiss Cake Roll lovin ass 9 months later.

Damn…these 3 mini bottles of Jack have got me ready for an in flight nap.  No worries world, I WILL struggle through the passion, as always.  Then again…I could see myself kickin’ it with Smokey and Craig on the front porch until I get that job offer.

-Grits and Gravy

Call me when the treadmill is an olympic sport dumb ass.

Darkne$$

Bottles in Buckets

(Excuse the surroundings of the picture, just focus on the bottles).  In the War Against Passion (WAP) it is important to know what weapons or tools exist to fight that which shall not be named (but was already named, so just keep it moving).  I introduce to you one of the Weapons of Passion Destruction (WAPD): Bottles In Buckets…more specifically, ice cold bottles of that sweet nectar in an aluminum bucket to allow maximum coldness.  You may ask, how it works? How does a simple thing as a six pack in a bucket of ice become a WAPD? Just look at the picture again, tell me you instantly don’t relax when you see a handful of bottles just taking a lil nap on a bed of ice? It almost makes you want to get up out of your hell cube chair and proceed straight to the closest establishment that serves this frosty treat. So…with the summer and outdoor/day drinking on the horizon…we bring you bottles in buckets….live well…stay frosty

-Knowledge…aka Knowledge Intelligence Agency….aka KI6….”00K”

Nuff Said…

Posted: April 28, 2010 by Hotdogs Anderson in Generic Banter
Tags: , , , , , ,

-Hotdogs Anderson

ALEX I’ll TAKE ALL THINGS I’GNANT FOR $1000

QUESTION: What do you get when you mix a club in the hood with a contest, add some chicken wings, a 40oz, a shot, and $250 in prize money???

(Jeopardy thinking music)

ALEX, WHAT IS A HOT GHETTO MESS! CORRECT!

I must admit, although I was immediately struck with utter shock that such an activity was going down, I was into it and pulling for the drunk ass chick with the mullet.  The hose was comical as hell…”When ya down and I put the mic to ya mouth you supposed to say Hallelujah”.  I almost died when they started chanting “EAT THAT SHIT”.  Lawd.   You knew it was over for mullet girl when she started show boating and playing up to the crowd.  While she was doing that old saggy tits was in the corner doing work.  That was until…OH…NO…DID SHE….EWWWWWWWWWWW!  Boot and Rally…hahaha…”DRINK THAT SHIT”.  Lawd.  I guess Mythbusters won’t have to do a show about the ability to chug a 40 while holding chicken wing pieces in your mouth. MYTH BUSTED!  When mullet dropped out it was all saggy tits.  I was surprised that she did considering she was excited about winning all $250 of those dollars for her kids.  All that was left was for old saggy tits to “CRUSH THAT SHOT”. Lawd.

I would say throw your beer but they already took care of that. Damn…that is some ignant ass shit.  I can’t even begin to be embarrassed because it’s so comical.  At least this wasn’t on national TV or anything blasting out people’s ig’nance across the world.  We all know what that looks like.  TAHST!

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Snooooooooooooooooookers

Darkne$$ aka Woody Woodblacker

YEAH BUDDY!!!  That uggin DARKNE$$ just found the video from the original post of the roller skating thug.  It’s right around the 2:30 mark:

HAHAHA.  There’s even more ridiculousness on skates. Not only does he need some of this to be slapped with:

But he also needs some of this for those ashy a$$ knees:

But we should forget about the decadence on skates and concentrate on their lyrics:

“I take pics and I never say cheese.  I take food and I never say please”   FIREEEEEEE!!!

Someone please tell me why they beat ol’ dude in the wheelchair.  And also please tell me why I was laughing the whole time.  I guess I just hopped on the the bus to hell with Grits and DARKNE$$  that Cleotus is driving.  At least we’ll have some GREAT banter on the way.

-Hotdogs Anderson aka Your favorite Blogger’s favorite Blogger