ACOTW Week: Day Two – Sarah Jessica Parker

Posted: June 14, 2010 by Logic in Area Codes, ATI Disapproved, Where's My Powder?
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Before I get to the ACOTW once again props to Darkness, Hotdogs, and Cleotus for keeping up with posting. “Logic, does that mean your going to post more regularly?”. No, no it doesn’t.

Now, on to Tuesday’s edition of Area Code of the Week Week. I picked a bad day to do my ACOTW because Darkne$$ killed it. I let out several hearty guffaws while reading. If I’m posting, you know there’s gotta be a damn good reason. That reason, is this:

Ok ok, maybe thats not what she actually looks like…but its pretty damn close. South Park damn near committed an entire episode to clowning this chick and for good reason too, her show is made by the Devil.  Dear Hollywood, please stop telling me that well below average/borderline ugly looking people are pretty/beautiful/sexy/gorgeous/etc because you often will get it completely wrong. See below:

Which one is the horse? I’ll give you a minute.

.

.

.

The one on the left right. That was the opposite of easy, I know. SJP does have quite a horse like quality about her so those two pictures kind of blend together. Time to get down to the nitty gritty right? Lets throw some numbers at her. We’ll go Face, Body, and end with the most controversial: Would you or won’t you?

Face:

What are you looking at Sarah? No seriously, what the hell are you looking at? That’s like a picture you see of someone on Facebook who isn’t looking at the camera because there are like 10 cameras taking pictures at the same time so you don’t know where to look. Hold on, is that her own perfume? Lovely? So she took this picture, and then allowed someone to put it in an add for her own perfume? Does she not realize she looks like in 9th grade biology day dreaming?  People I don’t want my girlfriend to smell like: Sarah Jessica Parker. OK, that picture is definitely perhaps unfair. I may or may not have picked the worst picture I could find. OK, so here’s a better picture. I guess:

Yes, that is a good picture of her believe it or not. You know how I know that? Because I could have put up this one:

Served. Its amazing what a little fame makeup can do. We’ve bantered extensively about what exactly is a 1,2,3,4,etc when it comes to the face. Of course, this is objective and to each his own. Well SJP, consider yourself Logically served: Face=3

Body

This is the only remote picture I could find of SJP’s “tail”. Tail isn’t really appropriate here, her long back with a crack is a much better description. J’s?

Where? At least she keeps it tight, that’s about all she’s got going for her because the rest of her body is scarily bony. Due to the fact that she has all her limbs and is not morbidly obese, she gets a 4 in the body department. Interesting note, the above picture is the best one I could find.  That’s not a good sign…Now for the controversial part, would you or wouldn’t you?

1 or 0?

I think ol boy in the bottom right got that right. If you can’t read it, it says “sooooooooo not sexy”. There’s a problem when your famous and I can find more bad pictures of you than good ones. There’s a problem when South Park makes fun of you for how bad you look. There’s a problem when I look at your picture and immediately feel a sharp pain in my testicles.

Verdict? I spent more time looking at SJP while writing this post than I have my entire life given I’ve never been dumb enough to watch more than 5 minutes of Sex in the City (except for when you’re 12 and see the show is named Sex in the City, so you think your going to see boobs and instead you see four women of which only one is remotely attractive run around the city acting a fool setting an awful example for all younger women. Seriously, suck my balls, but don’t send SJP). Coincidentally, or not, I now think I need glasses.  Congratulations Ms. Jessica Parker, you’re the first 0 in ATI’s ACOTW history.

Sarah Jessica Parker is ATI Dissaproved. Final Score: 304.

Some may disagree with the 0, but I don’t care. You’re wrong. Powder yourself. I’ll be back in a month or so.

What do you think:

Logic aka Women please stop watching Sex in the City, life doesn’t work like that. Well I guess unless you want to be 50 and unmarried, then watch away and emulate everything they do. I hate you Sex and the City. I truly despise you with a passion (read: passion, not Passion).

UPDATE  – Upon reading this post, Cleotus said the following: “SJP invented erectile dysfunction.”. Nuff said

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Comments
  1. […] ACOTW Week: DAY TWO – Sarah Jessica Parker […]

  2. hey whats your myspace page.

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