Archive for April, 2011

So I’m a little all over the place today, been getting it dropped off in my drawls at work this week. Consider me displeased.

  • Alright, this is really grinding my gears. Why are AMERICANS so obsessed with the Royal Wedding? We do not have a King here. We do not have Queens. No Princes, Dukes, Princesses, Suchesses, etc. So why do people care so damn much about the Royal Wedding? Seriously? I mean do y’all not remember that England tried to drop it off in our colonial drawls in the 1770’s? Now we just let bygones be bygones? Nah playboi. Not me. I won’t even visit England. I hold grudges. So should every other red-blooded Amurican.
  • Now I didn’t major in British Politics, but don’t they have a Prime Minister now? They aren’t even run by the Royal Family anymore are they? Assuming those statements are accurate, that makes this fetish that much more mind bottling (yes, I said bottling)
  • If your obsessed, so be it. But do you really need to wake up at 3, 4am just to watch it? Take the day off from work and all that? Honestly? That’s guffable. I mean mix in a DVR and if you don’t have a DVR I’m pretty sure it’s not THAT big of an event. If I was a boss and someone came in tired as hell or called off from work they would return Monday and find feces on their chair and a note that says “You’re fired” with a picture of Donald Trump.
  • The NFL Draft is tonight. Normally I’m all over the draft. But this year? NOPE(spoken like Lana from archer. Google it if you don’t know what sound bite I’m talking about. Its defeinitely guffers). This lockout has taken all excitement out of the draft for ya boy Logic. I honestly hope the owners get it dropped in their billion dollar drawls in all of these law suits.
  • If the fans don’t boo Roger Goodell I will be mega disappointed.  I’m really looking forward to a chorus of South Park related ginger hatred chants. Don’t let me down fans
  • Speaking of Big Rog, I’d like to kick him in the chest. Which is not as disrespectful as a slap to the face but will inflict maximum bodily harm if executed properly. I will go to a karate dojo to perfect this strike and then use it on The Goodell. He’s cuffing with my football, and I do NOT like it
  • Not sure if I’ve mentioned this previous but I’m a 49ers fan (guff). There’s talk of them drafting Blaine Gabbert. If they do you can all but guarantee a suicide bombing of their facilities before his entire name gets out of Mr. Roger’s mouth. Seriously, I had never heard of Blaine Gabbert until Andrew Luck said he was going back to school. Now he’s battling to be the top QB with Cam Newton (who also shouldn’t be picked high). It really bothers me that I could make better draft decisions than a majority of NFL GMs. Once again, my services are for sale. Why is no one taking me up on my offers?
  • I did not research this in anyway but I will state it as fact: Cleveland is the record holder for A the most consecutive days with some amount of rain and 2 the overall worst weather. This is turrrrrrrble. I really can’t tell you the last time I saw the sun. August 2010?

Happy Draft Night, hopefully I get out of work in time to enjoy it

“Ish just got real like Pinocchio turds”  – Gambino

From the CCA who brought you Double Dream Hands

comes the new Double Dream Feet:

What in the world made this guy think this dance up?  It’s hilarious yet turrible at the same time.

Charles Barkley does not approve and neither does ATI:

-Hotdogs Anderson

Man cuff these bish a$$ uggins, How y’all doin?

I’m Lil’ Tunchi, I’m a nuisance, I go stupid, I go dumb like the 3 Stooges

That song goes hard (even Sisquo Jr. Chris Brown).  But this dude right here does not go hard (NH):

He is definitely on something or is dumber than the 3 Stooges.  I wonder what he’s really listening to on his throwback Walkman?

What does Breezythink about this version of the video?

-Hotdogs Anderson

The reception at the return of ATI has been nice. Frequency of posts won’t be as high as they once were, but if we can lower just one person’s Passion just a little bit, then we’ve successfully done what we set out to do. This post was initially an RAL then I realized this was worthy of a full post.

So about a week ago my Playstation died. Interesting note, I think I also died a little bit inside about a week ago. I had no idea how dependent I was on it until I got that mothercuffin flashing red light. I still see that flashing red light every time I close my eyes, it haunts me. I shut it down for two days then tried it again, I knew it wouldn’t work but I had to try. Maybe I’m masochistic. Maybe I enjoy Passion. Maybe enjoying Passion is the only way to defeat Passion (Passion will strike me down for that previous sentence. Passion has a book of rules. One of those rules is you can not use the word defeat directly before or after the word Passion.) Who knows. I don’t. So It turned on. Awesome right? I even got to start a game of NBA 2k11. Sweet. Then at tip off it shutoff on me. Surprised? No. But did it hurt? Yes, yes it hurt deeply (NH). Here are a few things I apparently didn’t do when my playstation was operational:

Leave my bed- Those who know me know I love my bed. I only need half a reason to get in bed, not even a whole one. Just half. I sat on the couch for an extended period of time the day after my PS3 broke. It felt like I hadn’t spent more than 10 or 15 minutes in my living room for months. It was a nice change, the couch is pretty comfortable. Not quite bed comfortable, but not bad. I was a new man.

Eat a normal dinner- I would come home, get in bed and start playing. I’d get hungry after like 2 hours and go eat some Ramen (the staple of any mid 20s male diet) and tuna or some spinach and tuna. I hadn’t cooked since the UFC/Strikeforce Merger. Pretty sad, it’s ok. You can laugh.

Work out regularly – “I’ll start on Monday”, what every person says when they haven’t been working out on a regular basis. This phrase had become a staple in my vocabulary. It was right after “Banter”, “Drawls”, and “Passion”. I’d get home and be like yea, I’m going to get a lift today. Then I’d sit in my bed and I’d say well, I can play one game. Next thing you know I’m eating tuna and ramen and I’ve been playing video games for three hours.

Watch TV – TV from 6 to 8 is incredible. Two and a Half Men (props to Charlie Sheen on his recent tirade. No, I’m not going to drop a Cahrlie sheen quote, they’re so outplayed), The Office, How I Met Your Mother, King of Queens, Family Guy. Way better than “Primetime” TV from 8 to 10 which is nothing more than TERRIBLE reality TV. Before I would turn my PS3 on then stream shows on my computer. It’s nice because I watch what I want, but still. I love post work TV.

Be productive on a Saturday- Hungover or not (more often than not I’d be hungover), I’d wake up and lay in bed for hours playing. HOURS. I was setting records and then breaking them for amount of time spent playing. They should have set up a PS3 achievement just for me and the amount of time I’d spend playing on a Saturday. I wouldn’t get out of bed until the afternoon, late in the afternoon at that. I was PROUD of this. I am  no longer proud of it. I’m intensely saddened that I honestly did that.

Maybe I don’t fix it, maybe I do. Only time will tell. Right now it’s a blessing in disguise as the job hunt has increased 10 fold because a majority of the time I spent playing video games (3-10 hours a day, maybe more) I spend writing cover letters. BTW, COVER LETTERS ARE THE DEVIL. The really are. An example of a cover letter is next to the word “Devil” in the dictionary. Seriously, who invented cover letters? Who? I know the topic of my next post: Cover letters and how I want to kick the person who invented them squarely in the chest. Twice.

Logic aka I am so fly and on fire like a Phoenix wing(Childish Gambino, get behind it)

I’m back!!!  Now all y’all better thank me like Based God:

I’ve got some African ig’nance comin’ at you this AM:

Mega Guffs at that video.  Absurdly long intro BTW.  The outfits in that video were so great.  Dude definitely watched too many R. Kelly videos.

So who stole it?  Was it you???

I know it was you...

Also, how ridiculous is the CD cover for the single?

-Hotdogs Anderson

The first part of today’s RAL: Two questions I do NOT want you to ask me. Ever.

  • “How was your break/vacation?” Riddle me this: If you were someone who I cared to tell about my break or vacation, would you have to ask? Answer to said riddle: No, no you would not. This question is only surpassed by…
  • “How was your weekend?” I could have had the sh*ttiest, crappiest, most miserable weekend for any human being ever…and I’ll still reply “Great”. Why? Because for two whole days I didn’t have to worry about you asking me how my (insert activity here) was. I hate people.
  • “How’s it going?” What is this mythical “it” that people refer to? Does it fall under the same category as the legendary “merger”? Or perhaps fall under the same umbrella as Dana White’s whimsical “mix”? (Hot Dogs knows what I’m talking about) Whatever “it” is, don’t ask me about it.
  • “There he issssssss” This one isn’t a question. This is obvious because there is no question mark. However, this is still something I do not want you to say to me. There is no way you get THAT excited to see me when I walk in the office. “Hi Logic” would be perfectly OK. As long as it isn’t followed by “How’s it going?”.

Now, I realize that a lot of people ask these questions to be polite. Fine, I get it. But to me, these questions aren’t polite, they’re fake. You don’t care about the answer any more than I want to tell you the answer. Those questions are nothing but a waste of time, and my time is worth precisely $1,538,329. So unless your boring arse question comes with a check, please do not ask it. And onto part two:

  • Dear ESPN, stop trying to tell me that I care about UConn Women’s Basketball losing. I don’t care. In fact, I’m hard pressed to think of 5 things I care about less than them losing.
  • I’m incredibly happy that Butler lost. Back during college football season when Boise State lost, I was ecstatic. You would have thought I was a fan of both Oregon and Auburn with the way I was rooting for them to stay undefeated and keep TCU out of the Nat’l Championship game. Why? I don’t like the little guy. Go ahead, burn me at the stake. I said it. I don’t want to see a “mid major” or a non automatic qualifier win the National Championship. Every time one of these schools get robbed, I smile inside.
  • Unfortunately, I’m still in Cleveland. I’m hoping to make my escape this summer. A few weeks ago Lebron came back to Cleveland for the 2nd time. I almost went to the game. When asked why I wanted to go by my friend, my response was “I wanted to see the pain in all of Cleveland fans eyes as Lebron dropped it off in they drawls”. I was wrong, the Cavs won. I hope they can get over the fact that he’s gone now. When I gave my buddy that answer, he told me I’m going to hell. I responded “No I’m not, because I’d be the happiest person there because everyone would be miserable around me so that wouldn’t be a punishment.” Logic.
  • Why do people still pay M. Night Shyamalan to make movies?
  • Why do people still pay to see M. Night Shyamalan movies? That includes me. I went to see The Last Airbender (No Skinny Jeans) last summer or whenever it was that it came out. Now I’ve made some dumb purchases in my life, but I would have been better served buying used gasoline than paying to see that movie. Once again, I offer up my services:

Dear Major Movie Studio Executives,

I have recently heard that you hired M. Night Shyamalan to direct a new movie for you. If you haven’t noticed, his movies have not been uber profitable or wildly popular. Hiring M. Night is like drafting Ryan Leaf to be your quarterback, you don’t really care about the outcome and possibly expect to fail. If this is the case, I can help you out. I will direct and help write this movie instead of M. Knight and I’ll do it for ¼ of the price. You can use the rest of that money on call girls, strippers, and drugs like a BCS bowl executive. I will be anxiously waiting for your response.

Regards

Logic aka Put my team on the map, Blake Griffin on the court(Props to Childish Gambino for the Lyrics)

Worth A Shot…

Posted: April 5, 2011 by Grits N Gravy in Generic Banter

thump…..thump thump……thump thump…thump. You hear that? Nah, it ain’t the beat to the next CTE single, it’s the faint heartbeat of ATI (although it faintly resembles the beat to the CTE classic “butter on her thighs”). Truth be told, banter among us at ATI has been pretty high. We’ve been covering all kinds of topics, including:

  • Stuff BTSL hates
  • Conviction’s impending nuptuals
  • Hotdogs Anderson climbing the corporate ladder in and out of CTE
  • Weather being Passion’s most effective tool
  • One man’s Passion being another man’s parlay
  • Passion’s boundless hatred of the working man
  • Hispanic chicks acting special because they may or may not have been on Telemundo
  • Disrespectful forms of accostment (yes, still solid banter to be had here

 

The point is, our banter changes lives. It gives an open forum for people to hate on, celebrate, observe, and cope with a world where Passion constantly is trying to drop it off in our drawls. Maybe it’s just Tuesday and my softball league starts tonight, but I’m confident that we can get this blog up and running again. It’s not a promise, but it’s a definitely an attempt to bring our banter and nonsense back to the people.

Basically, we’re just trying to fill you in. Right Craig David??

 

BTSL hates this song so much. Why? Because he hates unnecessary music video intros, British accents, dancing in the streets, diverting calls to “answer phone”and dressing in black when formerly dressing in white.

 

-Grits