I’ve been in Europe basically the past 2 weeks so I haven’t been able to step my ATI game up. However, I came back to the US, had some Popeye’s immediately upon leaving the airport, and started reading my emails from the last 2 weeks. I stumbled across this gem from none other than Cleotus Jenkins describing his previous night to the rest of the ATI crew. Let me start out by saying Cleo is the most fictional person I know. He literally doesn’t exist. He should be in Imaginationland from South Park with all these characters:
So here’s the email in it’s entirety (photos have been added for hilarity):
Last night was a blueprint for how to get casually aggressive. I showed up at a CCA bar for a few casuals (love how that’s a noun) with 3 peeps. It started out tame with me drinking a couple of Cherry Wheat Sam Adams (absurd). Then I moved on to my new drink, Jack n soda aka the slip n slide (nonsense). I then inquired about Pomegranate Michelob Ultras (what?). The female bartender laughed at me. I then called her a hepha and ordered a Stella instead (sidenote: the word hepha does not translate in pancake city). She gave me the Stella and asked if I wanted a pomegranate vodka shot to go with it. Well she didn’t know I was from the 9th ward where we gladly accept free ish. I happily told her “yes” I would love a pomegranate vodka shot for free. Ahhhh she wasn’t ready for a jigga from that 504.
She had to go in the back and get a new bottle for ya boy. She got a shot glass out and I went “oh no sugar. Pour that ish right in the beer. Its all going in the same place.”. Well as I was walking out, who do I run into……TREACHERY. By the way, I got a disaster growing on my head, but Treachery looks like a civil rights leader from the 60s.
He was with his CCA co workers. He also had a pick in his hair. After we exchanged pleasantries, he promptly ordered three shots of rumple mint. No clue what kind of liquor it is but its 100 proof. I noticed that Treachery was there with about 20 dudes and one chick. Now from where I was standing, she was tight but that might be due to the fact that the chick was surrounded by jackals. What I said to her is a blur. Please apologize to her regardless. I ended up meeting up with King Grime at Houston’s and that too is a blur. Grime could you also send my apologies to your co workers and clients? Grime, the Greek and I went to a bar in Southie later on where I tried to make whoopie with a married chick. I thought the shots of Crown sealed the deal.
If this email makes no sense, sue me.
I didn’t even know what to say. I was appalled but at the same time proud of the uggin for bringing tears of laughter to me in the car (NHND). Stay tuned, we’re gonna have to keep y’all posted for more Escapades with Cleo.