Archive for the ‘Random Acts of Logicalness’ Category

So I’m a little all over the place today, been getting it dropped off in my drawls at work this week. Consider me displeased.

  • Alright, this is really grinding my gears. Why are AMERICANS so obsessed with the Royal Wedding? We do not have a King here. We do not have Queens. No Princes, Dukes, Princesses, Suchesses, etc. So why do people care so damn much about the Royal Wedding? Seriously? I mean do y’all not remember that England tried to drop it off in our colonial drawls in the 1770’s? Now we just let bygones be bygones? Nah playboi. Not me. I won’t even visit England. I hold grudges. So should every other red-blooded Amurican.
  • Now I didn’t major in British Politics, but don’t they have a Prime Minister now? They aren’t even run by the Royal Family anymore are they? Assuming those statements are accurate, that makes this fetish that much more mind bottling (yes, I said bottling)
  • If your obsessed, so be it. But do you really need to wake up at 3, 4am just to watch it? Take the day off from work and all that? Honestly? That’s guffable. I mean mix in a DVR and if you don’t have a DVR I’m pretty sure it’s not THAT big of an event. If I was a boss and someone came in tired as hell or called off from work they would return Monday and find feces on their chair and a note that says “You’re fired” with a picture of Donald Trump.
  • The NFL Draft is tonight. Normally I’m all over the draft. But this year? NOPE(spoken like Lana from archer. Google it if you don’t know what sound bite I’m talking about. Its defeinitely guffers). This lockout has taken all excitement out of the draft for ya boy Logic. I honestly hope the owners get it dropped in their billion dollar drawls in all of these law suits.
  • If the fans don’t boo Roger Goodell I will be mega disappointed.  I’m really looking forward to a chorus of South Park related ginger hatred chants. Don’t let me down fans
  • Speaking of Big Rog, I’d like to kick him in the chest. Which is not as disrespectful as a slap to the face but will inflict maximum bodily harm if executed properly. I will go to a karate dojo to perfect this strike and then use it on The Goodell. He’s cuffing with my football, and I do NOT like it
  • Not sure if I’ve mentioned this previous but I’m a 49ers fan (guff). There’s talk of them drafting Blaine Gabbert. If they do you can all but guarantee a suicide bombing of their facilities before his entire name gets out of Mr. Roger’s mouth. Seriously, I had never heard of Blaine Gabbert until Andrew Luck said he was going back to school. Now he’s battling to be the top QB with Cam Newton (who also shouldn’t be picked high). It really bothers me that I could make better draft decisions than a majority of NFL GMs. Once again, my services are for sale. Why is no one taking me up on my offers?
  • I did not research this in anyway but I will state it as fact: Cleveland is the record holder for A the most consecutive days with some amount of rain and 2 the overall worst weather. This is turrrrrrrble. I really can’t tell you the last time I saw the sun. August 2010?

Happy Draft Night, hopefully I get out of work in time to enjoy it

“Ish just got real like Pinocchio turds”  – Gambino

The reception at the return of ATI has been nice. Frequency of posts won’t be as high as they once were, but if we can lower just one person’s Passion just a little bit, then we’ve successfully done what we set out to do. This post was initially an RAL then I realized this was worthy of a full post.

So about a week ago my Playstation died. Interesting note, I think I also died a little bit inside about a week ago. I had no idea how dependent I was on it until I got that mothercuffin flashing red light. I still see that flashing red light every time I close my eyes, it haunts me. I shut it down for two days then tried it again, I knew it wouldn’t work but I had to try. Maybe I’m masochistic. Maybe I enjoy Passion. Maybe enjoying Passion is the only way to defeat Passion (Passion will strike me down for that previous sentence. Passion has a book of rules. One of those rules is you can not use the word defeat directly before or after the word Passion.) Who knows. I don’t. So It turned on. Awesome right? I even got to start a game of NBA 2k11. Sweet. Then at tip off it shutoff on me. Surprised? No. But did it hurt? Yes, yes it hurt deeply (NH). Here are a few things I apparently didn’t do when my playstation was operational:

Leave my bed- Those who know me know I love my bed. I only need half a reason to get in bed, not even a whole one. Just half. I sat on the couch for an extended period of time the day after my PS3 broke. It felt like I hadn’t spent more than 10 or 15 minutes in my living room for months. It was a nice change, the couch is pretty comfortable. Not quite bed comfortable, but not bad. I was a new man.

Eat a normal dinner- I would come home, get in bed and start playing. I’d get hungry after like 2 hours and go eat some Ramen (the staple of any mid 20s male diet) and tuna or some spinach and tuna. I hadn’t cooked since the UFC/Strikeforce Merger. Pretty sad, it’s ok. You can laugh.

Work out regularly – “I’ll start on Monday”, what every person says when they haven’t been working out on a regular basis. This phrase had become a staple in my vocabulary. It was right after “Banter”, “Drawls”, and “Passion”. I’d get home and be like yea, I’m going to get a lift today. Then I’d sit in my bed and I’d say well, I can play one game. Next thing you know I’m eating tuna and ramen and I’ve been playing video games for three hours.

Watch TV – TV from 6 to 8 is incredible. Two and a Half Men (props to Charlie Sheen on his recent tirade. No, I’m not going to drop a Cahrlie sheen quote, they’re so outplayed), The Office, How I Met Your Mother, King of Queens, Family Guy. Way better than “Primetime” TV from 8 to 10 which is nothing more than TERRIBLE reality TV. Before I would turn my PS3 on then stream shows on my computer. It’s nice because I watch what I want, but still. I love post work TV.

Be productive on a Saturday- Hungover or not (more often than not I’d be hungover), I’d wake up and lay in bed for hours playing. HOURS. I was setting records and then breaking them for amount of time spent playing. They should have set up a PS3 achievement just for me and the amount of time I’d spend playing on a Saturday. I wouldn’t get out of bed until the afternoon, late in the afternoon at that. I was PROUD of this. I am  no longer proud of it. I’m intensely saddened that I honestly did that.

Maybe I don’t fix it, maybe I do. Only time will tell. Right now it’s a blessing in disguise as the job hunt has increased 10 fold because a majority of the time I spent playing video games (3-10 hours a day, maybe more) I spend writing cover letters. BTW, COVER LETTERS ARE THE DEVIL. The really are. An example of a cover letter is next to the word “Devil” in the dictionary. Seriously, who invented cover letters? Who? I know the topic of my next post: Cover letters and how I want to kick the person who invented them squarely in the chest. Twice.

Logic aka I am so fly and on fire like a Phoenix wing(Childish Gambino, get behind it)

The first part of today’s RAL: Two questions I do NOT want you to ask me. Ever.

  • “How was your break/vacation?” Riddle me this: If you were someone who I cared to tell about my break or vacation, would you have to ask? Answer to said riddle: No, no you would not. This question is only surpassed by…
  • “How was your weekend?” I could have had the sh*ttiest, crappiest, most miserable weekend for any human being ever…and I’ll still reply “Great”. Why? Because for two whole days I didn’t have to worry about you asking me how my (insert activity here) was. I hate people.
  • “How’s it going?” What is this mythical “it” that people refer to? Does it fall under the same category as the legendary “merger”? Or perhaps fall under the same umbrella as Dana White’s whimsical “mix”? (Hot Dogs knows what I’m talking about) Whatever “it” is, don’t ask me about it.
  • “There he issssssss” This one isn’t a question. This is obvious because there is no question mark. However, this is still something I do not want you to say to me. There is no way you get THAT excited to see me when I walk in the office. “Hi Logic” would be perfectly OK. As long as it isn’t followed by “How’s it going?”.

Now, I realize that a lot of people ask these questions to be polite. Fine, I get it. But to me, these questions aren’t polite, they’re fake. You don’t care about the answer any more than I want to tell you the answer. Those questions are nothing but a waste of time, and my time is worth precisely $1,538,329. So unless your boring arse question comes with a check, please do not ask it. And onto part two:

  • Dear ESPN, stop trying to tell me that I care about UConn Women’s Basketball losing. I don’t care. In fact, I’m hard pressed to think of 5 things I care about less than them losing.
  • I’m incredibly happy that Butler lost. Back during college football season when Boise State lost, I was ecstatic. You would have thought I was a fan of both Oregon and Auburn with the way I was rooting for them to stay undefeated and keep TCU out of the Nat’l Championship game. Why? I don’t like the little guy. Go ahead, burn me at the stake. I said it. I don’t want to see a “mid major” or a non automatic qualifier win the National Championship. Every time one of these schools get robbed, I smile inside.
  • Unfortunately, I’m still in Cleveland. I’m hoping to make my escape this summer. A few weeks ago Lebron came back to Cleveland for the 2nd time. I almost went to the game. When asked why I wanted to go by my friend, my response was “I wanted to see the pain in all of Cleveland fans eyes as Lebron dropped it off in they drawls”. I was wrong, the Cavs won. I hope they can get over the fact that he’s gone now. When I gave my buddy that answer, he told me I’m going to hell. I responded “No I’m not, because I’d be the happiest person there because everyone would be miserable around me so that wouldn’t be a punishment.” Logic.
  • Why do people still pay M. Night Shyamalan to make movies?
  • Why do people still pay to see M. Night Shyamalan movies? That includes me. I went to see The Last Airbender (No Skinny Jeans) last summer or whenever it was that it came out. Now I’ve made some dumb purchases in my life, but I would have been better served buying used gasoline than paying to see that movie. Once again, I offer up my services:

Dear Major Movie Studio Executives,

I have recently heard that you hired M. Night Shyamalan to direct a new movie for you. If you haven’t noticed, his movies have not been uber profitable or wildly popular. Hiring M. Night is like drafting Ryan Leaf to be your quarterback, you don’t really care about the outcome and possibly expect to fail. If this is the case, I can help you out. I will direct and help write this movie instead of M. Knight and I’ll do it for ¼ of the price. You can use the rest of that money on call girls, strippers, and drugs like a BCS bowl executive. I will be anxiously waiting for your response.

Regards

Logic aka Put my team on the map, Blake Griffin on the court(Props to Childish Gambino for the Lyrics)

Passion truly knows NO bounds. If it isn’t this, it’s that. If it isn’t that, it’s this. Just a little bit of relief, that’s all I’m asking for passion, that’s all. With that, here’s some Logic for ya drawls.  Below are some thoughts on NBA Free Agency

  • Dear Cleveland Economy, you’re F’d. Sincerely, Lebron James. Let’s break down the NBA Free Agency so far and you tell me if my Logic is on point or not. Though as always, if you don’t think it’s on point its simply because your ilLogical.
  • First things first, Joe Johnson gets ABSURDLY overpaid by the Hawks. Honestly, who are the people who make decisions like this? Let me make stupid ass decisions and I’ll do it for less than half of what you’re paying these guys now. This was the first domino because it narrows the options for the Knicks, Nets, Bulls, etc. Then Rudy Gay stays with the Grizzlies, again narrowing down options. Then the first big domino falls:
  • Amare Stoudemire signs with the Knicks. Is he a max guy? Not if you ask me. But the Knicks had to do something, because they currently have nothing. We’ll come back to this, I think it may prove to be important.
  • D Wade and Lebron both drop hints that they want to stay where they are, but want their teams to show improvement. Both teams try getting better, but both having trouble. Toronto says they would do a sign and trade with Cleveland, Bosh says F Cleveland. Wade beats Lebron in the race for Chris Bosh, Bosh is reportedly heading to Miami with Wade.
  • 15 minutes after Bosh says he’s going to Miami, Lebron says he’s holding a press conference Thursday night to announce his decision. All proceeds from advertisements of the hour long show going to the Boys and Girls Club, props to LBJ for that.
  • Now I clearly left some things out from the free agency period, but included the important parts for my argument that Lebron will be a New York Knick. If you asked me this question exactly 24 hours ago, I would have laughed at the Knicks as an option.
  • Reasoning: He was trying to get Bosh to Cleveland and it wasn’t until AFTER Bosh decided he wasn’t coming to Cleveland. Why wait to say your staying in Cleveland until after Bosh denies you and CTown? Lebron strikes me as pretty Logical, or at least the people around him are. So logically you have Plan A) Bosh comes to CTown and plan B) ?. Plan B to me, HAS to be leave Cleveland, because as I said you don’t wait to say your staying.  So go to play for a first time coach with Derrick Rose? Or go play under Mike D’antoni and with Amare Stoudemire? Yup, I gotta say New York is looking pretty good.
  • If i was to handicap, I’d say 55% NY, 25% CTown, 20% Chitown. Why am I following this so much? This directly affects my life. If LBJ leaves, a black hole will form around the Quicken Loans Arena and Cleveland will collapse into itself.
  • Interesting side note, I know nothing and could be 100% wrong. I HOPE he stays in CTown, but right now it’s just not looking all that promising.
  • My one bit of non NBA related RAL, Cristiano Ronaldo used a surrogate mom. Pause. Yes, Cristiano Ronaldo used a surrogate mom. Or did he just knock a chick up, pay her millions of dollars to stay quiet and to get sole custody? I think part two sounds a little more accurate…

RAL 5/16/10

Posted: May 16, 2010 by Logic in Random Acts of Logicalness
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Well, I just added the WordPress app to my droid and here’s my trial post. If all goes well, the potential for me to return to ATI is high as I will be able to post while droppin’ heat. Is that weird?

-First and foremost props too Hotdogs, Darkness, and the Slow Stroka Mr Jenkins for keeping ATI alive. Lord knows I don’t have the passion (read: passion, not Passion) to be a regular contributor due to high amounts of Passion (read: Passion, not passion)

-Who the cuff deemed Bill Simmons the sports Guy? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy his stuff. But why is he the Sports guy? I have an idea, how about I just start calling myself the money guy. A 23 year old with no money calling himself the money guy. I mean that’s the same as a 40 year old CCA who played no professional sports the sports guy. Maybe if I call myself that I’ll magically have money. Yup, I’m John Locking that, my new name is the Money Guy.

-Droid doesn’t. I spent five hours on Saturday, yes on my SATURDAY, driving around Ohio trying to get a new phone because my touchscreen decided it wasn’t going to work anymore. That was fun. And by fun I mean miserable. I can name 100 things I’d rather do than drive around Ohio looking for a phone. Not to mention I probably spent the first half of those 5 hours driving semi tazed due to maximum booshkin Friday night.

-Droid also doesn’t have a good battery life. If I go out without a full battery the odds of my phone dying are greater than the odds of Hotdogs falling in love with a pasty.

-Droid doesn’t do anything better than the iPhone.

-Lebron James is not going to play for the Knicks. IF he leaves Cleveland its because he realized his supporting cast isn’t good enough to win him a championship. That was sadly extremely evident against the Celtics. So why would he leave that to go play for the god awful Knicks? That’s illogical. Only chance they have is luring Chris Bosh or Amare Stoudemire there first. To which I say why would they go play for the god awful Knicks? You see the cycle…

-Cleveland fans, keep your head up. I mean you do have a 3rd round quaterback who you now seem to have deemed the savior of your franchise. Yea, that makes sense. Speaking of 3rd round quaterbacks…

-I know this happened a while ago, but seeing as how I don’t post anymore I obviously haven’t said anything. But, ummm…someone tell me how in the world the Broncos not only passed on Dez Bryant but then TRADED back into the first round for a guy with the most intangibles since the merger. I mean this guy eats poise, craps intangibles, and takes showers in moxie. Yea, all that is nice, but I throw the football better than he does. Last time I checked throwing the ball is paramount to being a good qb. He will be bad.

-Overused phrase number 17 during draft time: “Draft Guru”. God I hate that phrase. It was nice to see Mel Kiper predict every team who needed a quaterback would pick Jimmy Clausen, then they would inevitably pick a better player. Guess he shouldn’t have been number 4 on your big board Mel. Funniest part though is that he wouldn’t admit he was wrong. I hate “can’t admit I was wrong guy”

-In light of the way this past draft I will now be applying my logic to the draft and during draft season I will get people to start calling me a draft guru and my services will be available to each franchise. For a fee of course.

-If you’re going to run a 5k, don’t drink the night before

-I found out the hard way.

– My hatred for Nikki Minaj and Double G Gudda Gudda is lowering by the day. It makes me feel dirty.

That’s that, maybe I’ll post again tomorrow or something. Then again, maybe I won’t. I make no promises.

Logic aka The Money Guy aka Draft Guru

RAL 3/11/10

Posted: March 11, 2010 by Logic in Random Acts of Logicalness
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Wow, this post is quickly turning from what I intended to be 3 times a week to once a week. What can I say, Passion. Here’s todays RAL:

  • I love the NFL draft. Why do millions of people besides me love it so much that its going to be on Primetime this year? I have no idea. Maybe because it represents hope for all teams, maybe its because we get to guffaw at horrible picks by the Raiders or get to watch the Lions pick another receiver. You know what I hate about the NFL draft though? One word: Intangibles. Intangibles becomes the MOST overused word of any sport during any period. My real problem doesn’t come with how often its used though, it’s that it is used so incorrectly. When something is intangible, it can’t be measured. So please do me a favor and A stop saying things that can be measured are intangible and B stop saying players have “off the chart intangibles”. If you can’t measure something, you don’t know if he has a lot or a little of it. Hence why it is INTANGIBLE
  • Tim Tebow sold his autograph for like $160 a piece and like an additional $75 bucks for a picture. I don’t care how much you like a player, anyone who pays money for someones signature is an idiot. You going to invite your friends over and be like yo dude, look at my Tim Tebow autograph. To which you friend repsonds, that looks like a baby took a pen and tried to spell xylophone.
  • I went to the Cavs game on Monday, and Lebron didn’t play. The only home game he will miss all year. Passion
  • I’ve been in a rental car for over a week and haven’t had my wire to hook up my iPod. So I’ve been forced to listen to the radio. 1 the radio sucks. They’re still bumping Tik Tok and Gotta Feeling, I was doing my Stanky Leg to those in September. Even worse than that is the repetitiveness of the radio. I kid you not. I get in the car, and Drake is on a song, then there was a Young Money song, then Wayne was on a song, then Drake was on another song. I mean common sense alone would tell you to spread those songs out, you don’t even need Logic for that
  • Derek Anderson got cut by the Browns, no surprise. On his way out he took a shot at Cleveland fans. Whatever, I’m fine with that. It happens. He hated it here and got boo’d when he was injured. My beef is the next day he made an apology. Dude you were NOT sorry in anyway and meant every word you said. AND if you need to apologize about something, you probably shouldn’t have said it in the first place. Note to all pro athletes: Think before you talk. Like work up a first draft of every sentence you’re thinking about uttering out of your idiotic mouths, then proof read that sentence before you say anything, and if you still think its a good idea THEN let it out.
  • Note to all men and women: Just because someone takes pictures of you and you post them on facebook that DOES NOT make you a model. You have to be paid to take pictures, not pay for someone to take your picture, before you’re actually a model.
  • I have a plan for speakerphone in the office: It should be disabled on all phones and can only be activated with special permission from  your boss. Too often do people abuse the speakerphone feature.  Speakerphone is a privilege, not a right
  • I posted about gym guy a while back and I’m starting to realize that I’m probably a type of gym guy that people hate too. I get my headphones on and hold a mini concert for all those around while I’m getting my swoll on. I silently mouth words, bob my head, hit the slight Stanky Leg, and stuff like that. It’s probably pretty annoying to those around me. While I may be a type of gym guy, I will say what I do doesn’t actually affect anyone else.
  • Speaking of dancing, I can’t believe I used to Superman that hoe, Chicken Noodle Soup, AND Shake That Laffy Taffy. Wow. Tuuuurrrbbbllleee dances. In 3 years I’m gonna say damn, I can’t believe I used to do the Stanky Leg.
  • DARKNE$$ selected a great person for ACOTW. I have to say though, i would have gone 715 though with a sexiness factor of 10.
  • Wayne FINALLY went to jail. Sheesh. Speaking of Wayne, a while back we were discussing the nonsense that are Wayne’s and Baby’s (worst rapper alive) tattoos. After discussing Baby’s head tats, DARKNE$$ stated “these are the same dudes who thought Rebirth was a good idea”. Touche DARKNE$$, great point

There’s your Logic for the day. Enjoy, cuz you know my ass is too lazy to post again before next week.

Logic

RAL 3/4/10

Posted: March 4, 2010 by Logic in Random Acts of Logicalness
Tags: , , , ,

I was going to make this entire RAL about car accident passion and post car accident passion. Then I realized, that would only increase my CP (Current Passion )by way to many passionites. So I decided to shy away from that. Then I was going to make it 10 or so Weezy F lyrics in honor of this neeg skipping jail…again. Then I realized coming up with lyrics off the top of your head is rather difficult. That and if I picked 10 of Wayne’s lyrics I’d leave off so many good ones. In the end, I opted for a regular RAL, enjoy:

  • Work sucks. Straight up and down. There ain’t ish else to say, work just sucks. There literally is nothing good about it except the occasional free lunch. My back hurts from sitting here all day, I worked for a week on a spreadsheet that I ended up having to completely re-do in a day all while I had other work piling up. There should be a law against doing that to people.
  • Want to here some scary numbers? Note: All numbers are best case scenario, most likely the numbers are worse than I state. There are 24 hours in a day. You spend at least 9 hours at work, at least an hour commuting, 8 hours asleep, 2 hours working out/making dinner/cleaning/showering and getting ready. Whats left? A pathetic FOUR hours. That’s it. So if you meet the ideal criteria above, which is unlikely, you have 4 hours a day to do what you please. Sucks doesn’t it? That’s why I’m at a point where I refuse to do anything I don’t want to do. Don’t feel like lifting? I don’t, i get beers and play video games instead. Don’t feel like cooking? Oh well, order chinese. Its necessary to live your life like this.
  • The NFL combine is the most boring thing to watch ever, yet if its on and I’m home I’ll watch it for hours. That’s just not logical.
  • Taylor Mays is a BEAST. If he can equate any of his combine stats to the field he might be the best player ever. But we’ll see…
  • Only 3 dots.
  • I’m not sure if there is anything more crippling than back pain. It’s like a debilitating disease, sorta like AIDS.
  • Oranges are an underrated fruit, but peeling them is the anti fun. If you have a cut on your hand the juice burns and when your finished your hands smell like hot garbage juice on a New York side street in the summer unless you wash them with that hard as soap they have in elementary school sinks.
  • I’m not sure if there is a better feeling than walking out of the door from work.
  • Monday’s, go away. Thanks

All I got, time to go home. Ya boy, Logic