Posts Tagged ‘Drew Berrymore’

“1 2 3 way, 4 4 makes 8, 9 times outta 10 its 11 or a 12 gauge Friday the 13th thats the day that hell raise But yall boys 2 week, like 14 days!”

Weezy dropped some serious knowledge in that line just like I am bout to with the second installment of MARRY, TAP, KILL.  After very positive feedback from the ATIliens on the new MTK post I am excited to make it a weekly presence on ATI.  Last week we had Destiny’s Child where I married Kelly, tapped Beyonce, and killed that other one.  Ha.

This week we have….CHARLIE’S ANGELS.

Not the original broads that we highkicking random minorities in the 70s.  I’m talking about the ones that everyone knows from the movies.  Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Lui.  I’ve had a couple of Darkie’s Angels in my day but I’ve never had to make the decision to marry, tap, or kill one of them but today is the the day.

Lucy Liu


MARRY

Good lord in heaven what a creation.   I would marry Lucy Liu so hard! Whatever that means.  Lucy is definitely wifey material.  She’s over 40 so she’s a cougar.  She had her days of being wild but she’s ready to just take care of Darkne$$ now.  But those years of being an uncaged jungle cat also gave her the experience to hit ya boy with the secrets of the Kama Sutra.  YEAAAAAAAA BOYYYYYY! While she can def be the Chris Brown of the relationship due to her extensive martial arts skills…I’ll let her beat me like Sophia whooped on Harpo in the Color Purple.  I’ll kindly beat those cakes in return. And you know she know her way around a wok.  Lucy Liu…me love you long time!

Drew Barrymore

TAP

Damn Drew has varied from a 303 to a 616.  Talk about a tale of two cities.  But I’m hoping to catch her on good day when I go Duncan Hines on her and beat them cakes.   Now there are enough sexy shots of Drew to make me want to hit it from the window to the wall as seen here.   Now Drew has been on crack and back since her days of becoming famous in E.T.  But she is hippie flower child at heart and probably shags with the best of them.   She would also probably be into some freaky deaky stuff and invite a friend or two (of the female persuasion of course) to join in on the action.  Maybe it’ll be Lucy and Cameron so this would turn into a TAP TAP TAP fest.  One man can only hope.  In the movie 50 First Dates Drew couldn’t remember anything after she went to sleep for the night…but she’ll remember this because she won’t be sleeping! Ya Dig!

Cameron Diaz

KILL

No doubt Cameron Diaz has been bringing the heat since she starred in The Mask.   But my god this woman has been passed around more than a Wii Controller.   Let’s check out her laundry list of boyfriends:

Justing Timberlake 2003-2006

Djimon Hounsou 2007

Kelly Slater 2007

Jude Law 2007

Bradley Cooper 2007

John Mayor 2007

Gerald Butler 2008

Paul Sculfor 2008

Alex Rodriguez 2009

DAYUMMMMMMMMMMMMM.  She had a serious 2007.   I can’t in my right mind put Lil Darkne$$ in danger by tapping this.  Also you can’t turn an ho into a housewife so that’s out of the question.   I would be doing everyone a favor by killing her because that would decrease the world’s diseases by 30%.  I mean come on Cameron…you gotta be looking like Princess Fiona down there.   She’s still hot though which is always tempting.  Which is why I have to kill her before I tap her.  See ya Cameron.

Darkne$$ aka Bruce Illest

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