Posts Tagged ‘fail’

Really?

Posted: October 19, 2010 by Grits N Gravy in You're Better Than That
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Let’s Go…

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Most of you know that ya boy Hotdogs is a hugh MMA fan.  This weekend a huge fight was set to go down in Poland.   Former professional boxer Eric “Butterbean” Esch was set to take on former World’s Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski in the battle to end all battles.

Before the fight got underway, the Polish crowd was in for a treat.  Polish soul crooner Mateusz Krauwurst was to pay tribute to Butterbean and America by murdering singing The Star Spangled Banner:

Wow, just wow.  Let’s get a phonetic transcription from Cagepotato.com:

Ohhh say can you see
Mah’downse, duh-early lied
Were so proudly behaaaaaaved
Byyyyy the twilight’s that leaving
[pause, scattered laughter]
Hair the rockets were glare
And the rockets were glurrrrrr…
[singer nervously hums, then quits]

What does Charles Barkley think of that rendtion?

Oh, and there was a fight too:

Talk about pillow punches to end a fight….

-Hotdogs Anderson

It’s always dark somewhere! Ya heard.

Hope everyone is recovering from “Tell Great Britain to Tahst it” Day.   This week we are going to take a look at something different for MTK.   We had singers and actresses so far…so this week we are going with athletes.   There is a lot of hidden talent out there in the world of sports.   Every now and then you’ll see some chick who golfs, plays professional volleyball, or is a track star get some recognition for being well smashable but certainly not enough.

So let’s take a look at three lovely ladies of professional sports:

Lolo Jones – Professional Track Star

MARRY

Yes sir!  Lolo fo sho sho.  This chick is way faster than me anyway so ain’t no reason in running if she’s chasing…and the ladies chase Darkne$$.  Lolo is a decorated track athlete and fine as a ticket on the dash.  This is a no brainer…sure a track career isn’t long and is very dependent on being healthy (so I can’t be putting her in the pretzel) but she has them good genes.  With my Darkne$$ and her athleticism we are bound to have a lil LeBron.   Also track athletes are muscular but not so much that you feel like the woman in the relationship.  Plus she got that good hair….our kids will come out looking like Jaden Smith.   I teach Lo Lo how to get  low low.

Misty May-Treanor/Kerri Walsh – Professional Beach Volleyball Players

TAP

I can hear the followers now…”but Darkne$$ how are you going to pick two chicks to tap?”.  Simple…they go hand and hand.  You can’t have one without the other.   I don’t know if you can even find a picture with just one of them without the other (GOE).  My guess is that if you got one of them willing to attend the meeting in the bedroom then the other will follow.   Volleyball chicks have also been deceptively hot.  With their long legs and lean torsos and ability to handle balls.  But put them on the sand in bikinis and BOOM!  This sport was definitely invented by a man.    Man can you imagine letting them volley your balls and serve you on the tempurpedic?   Not to mention that they have a couple of gold medals so they like to the be the best AT EVERYTHING!    It looks like Misty may be draggin wagon in that pic above.    I know double tapping is illgal in volleyball but I think they’ll make an exception for Darkne$$.

Candice Parker-Williams – Professional Woman’s Basketball Player

KILL

Candice Parker would not fall into this category but Candice Parker-Williams does.   I was deeply infatuated with her when she was dominating lesser broads at Tennessee.  But then she goes and marries Sheldon Williams! WHAT? And if that isn’t devastating enough they went ahead and procreated.   WHY CANDICE???  Your husband looks like E.T. and your child will most likely look like a gremlin.  Yes she is a beautiful red boned specimen that would probably shoot out a whole basketball team but…I can’t condone marrying so far beneath you.   Sheldon Williams played at Duke – FAIL.  Your brother, Anthony Parker, is one of the reasons LeBron is prob leaving Cleveland – FAIL.  You play for the WNBA and make a whopping $65,000 a year – FAIL.   You could have had Darkne$$ baby…you failed.  You are the weakest link…GOODBYE!

Darkne$$ aka McThuggin’

Chris Breezy is back…..sorta

Posted: November 2, 2009 by Cleotus Jenkins aka the Slow Stroka in Generic Banter, Musical Knowledge, You're Better Than That
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As most people know, Chris Brown has an album dropping in December.

He’s got the standard dance joint “I Can Transform Ya”:

And the standard love joint “Crawl”:

All well and good, but I want to know what the hell is he WEARING on his album cover:

Let’s see:

1. Under Armour shirt – fail

2. His mom’s blazer – fail

3. Shiny ass gloves – fail

4. Patent leather boots – fail

5. Raid spray – fail

6. Looney tunes characters – fail

7. BLACK LEGGINGS – EPIC FAIL

LG Chris. You need to talk to your record label. Maybe he has no pull after his recent troubles but damn this is messed up. No one approves of this.

-Cleo

Damn Bruh

Posted: October 30, 2009 by Cleotus Jenkins aka the Slow Stroka in Area Codes, Generic Banter
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This ain’t right:

Best parts of the clip were Tracy McGrady laughing, the announcers trying to back track their comments and the mascot walking him off the court. You can even hear the crowd laughing. I actually feel sorry for this lad. This chick made him look like a straight up chump in a sold out arena. She could have said yes then dump him at a later date. I guess it’s decent of her not to say yes then snatch up the ring. From what I hear, women don’t return those. I wonder how he was able to arrange that. Either he has major scrill or he’s got pull in Houston. I see a few flaws in his logic:

1. He decided to propose at an NBA game. You have to protect yourself from embarrassment homey. Women today are ruthless. He looked more like a fool than she like a scallywag. You should only do that in front of family or in private. I wouldn’t do it in front of family either. I know my family would clown my ass.

2. He decided to propose.

3. He wanted to get married.

Hold up. Ain’t you supposed to go ring shopping with a friend of your woman? That friend is a scallywag. She should have done something to halt this nonsense. Pam would’ve stopped Martin if Gina REALLY didn’t want to marry him.

At first glance, ya girl looked like a 414. Slightly below average face and figure. But when she ran off the court, I can see she was working with something. She can get a 416 from Cleo.

I hope the fallen soldier got to take down one of those cheerleaders.

-Cleo

If we’re posting all the different ways black people can make nice respectable black men like the ones who post on this site look bad, well I’ve got another one for you. There’s been a lot on the internet about Stephon Marbury lately, the man is clearly insane.  But this video is from a while ago and Stephon is trying to come correct…but he fails. The first half he talks basketball, and he sounds bad. The 2nd half he talks about things off the court, and he sounds worse.

I’m sorry to clown a dude who’s trying to do something good for the community, but mannnnnnnn I couldn’t pass up this opportunity.

Things he actually says:”I’ma average 10 points, 12 13 dimes, 2 3 assists”. For those who don’t know basketball, a dime IS an assist. “I can’t give them what they need if they don’t have it” THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Then he gets a phone call, mind you he’s in the middle of an interview, and he lets off this gem after he takes it out and checks who’s calling “Thats my better half, my better hoe, thats my better half, thats my wife”. Cheeze its, YOU CAN’T DO THAT.

If you didn’t have it in you to watch the whole thing, skip to 8:42, its a must see. Starbury just starts doing some ridiculous dance move, I can’t even begin to explain it in words.  The dude doing the interview was just shocked and appalled. He definitely had a good laugh when the camera’s went off.

Logic

PS sweet pink sports coat, but I guess it’s better than pink pants(service)