Posts Tagged ‘Logic’

So I’m a little all over the place today, been getting it dropped off in my drawls at work this week. Consider me displeased.

  • Alright, this is really grinding my gears. Why are AMERICANS so obsessed with the Royal Wedding? We do not have a King here. We do not have Queens. No Princes, Dukes, Princesses, Suchesses, etc. So why do people care so damn much about the Royal Wedding? Seriously? I mean do y’all not remember that England tried to drop it off in our colonial drawls in the 1770’s? Now we just let bygones be bygones? Nah playboi. Not me. I won’t even visit England. I hold grudges. So should every other red-blooded Amurican.
  • Now I didn’t major in British Politics, but don’t they have a Prime Minister now? They aren’t even run by the Royal Family anymore are they? Assuming those statements are accurate, that makes this fetish that much more mind bottling (yes, I said bottling)
  • If your obsessed, so be it. But do you really need to wake up at 3, 4am just to watch it? Take the day off from work and all that? Honestly? That’s guffable. I mean mix in a DVR and if you don’t have a DVR I’m pretty sure it’s not THAT big of an event. If I was a boss and someone came in tired as hell or called off from work they would return Monday and find feces on their chair and a note that says “You’re fired” with a picture of Donald Trump.
  • The NFL Draft is tonight. Normally I’m all over the draft. But this year? NOPE(spoken like Lana from archer. Google it if you don’t know what sound bite I’m talking about. Its defeinitely guffers). This lockout has taken all excitement out of the draft for ya boy Logic. I honestly hope the owners get it dropped in their billion dollar drawls in all of these law suits.
  • If the fans don’t boo Roger Goodell I will be mega disappointed.  I’m really looking forward to a chorus of South Park related ginger hatred chants. Don’t let me down fans
  • Speaking of Big Rog, I’d like to kick him in the chest. Which is not as disrespectful as a slap to the face but will inflict maximum bodily harm if executed properly. I will go to a karate dojo to perfect this strike and then use it on The Goodell. He’s cuffing with my football, and I do NOT like it
  • Not sure if I’ve mentioned this previous but I’m a 49ers fan (guff). There’s talk of them drafting Blaine Gabbert. If they do you can all but guarantee a suicide bombing of their facilities before his entire name gets out of Mr. Roger’s mouth. Seriously, I had never heard of Blaine Gabbert until Andrew Luck said he was going back to school. Now he’s battling to be the top QB with Cam Newton (who also shouldn’t be picked high). It really bothers me that I could make better draft decisions than a majority of NFL GMs. Once again, my services are for sale. Why is no one taking me up on my offers?
  • I did not research this in anyway but I will state it as fact: Cleveland is the record holder for A the most consecutive days with some amount of rain and 2 the overall worst weather. This is turrrrrrrble. I really can’t tell you the last time I saw the sun. August 2010?

Happy Draft Night, hopefully I get out of work in time to enjoy it

“Ish just got real like Pinocchio turds”  – Gambino

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The reception at the return of ATI has been nice. Frequency of posts won’t be as high as they once were, but if we can lower just one person’s Passion just a little bit, then we’ve successfully done what we set out to do. This post was initially an RAL then I realized this was worthy of a full post.

So about a week ago my Playstation died. Interesting note, I think I also died a little bit inside about a week ago. I had no idea how dependent I was on it until I got that mothercuffin flashing red light. I still see that flashing red light every time I close my eyes, it haunts me. I shut it down for two days then tried it again, I knew it wouldn’t work but I had to try. Maybe I’m masochistic. Maybe I enjoy Passion. Maybe enjoying Passion is the only way to defeat Passion (Passion will strike me down for that previous sentence. Passion has a book of rules. One of those rules is you can not use the word defeat directly before or after the word Passion.) Who knows. I don’t. So It turned on. Awesome right? I even got to start a game of NBA 2k11. Sweet. Then at tip off it shutoff on me. Surprised? No. But did it hurt? Yes, yes it hurt deeply (NH). Here are a few things I apparently didn’t do when my playstation was operational:

Leave my bed- Those who know me know I love my bed. I only need half a reason to get in bed, not even a whole one. Just half. I sat on the couch for an extended period of time the day after my PS3 broke. It felt like I hadn’t spent more than 10 or 15 minutes in my living room for months. It was a nice change, the couch is pretty comfortable. Not quite bed comfortable, but not bad. I was a new man.

Eat a normal dinner- I would come home, get in bed and start playing. I’d get hungry after like 2 hours and go eat some Ramen (the staple of any mid 20s male diet) and tuna or some spinach and tuna. I hadn’t cooked since the UFC/Strikeforce Merger. Pretty sad, it’s ok. You can laugh.

Work out regularly – “I’ll start on Monday”, what every person says when they haven’t been working out on a regular basis. This phrase had become a staple in my vocabulary. It was right after “Banter”, “Drawls”, and “Passion”. I’d get home and be like yea, I’m going to get a lift today. Then I’d sit in my bed and I’d say well, I can play one game. Next thing you know I’m eating tuna and ramen and I’ve been playing video games for three hours.

Watch TV – TV from 6 to 8 is incredible. Two and a Half Men (props to Charlie Sheen on his recent tirade. No, I’m not going to drop a Cahrlie sheen quote, they’re so outplayed), The Office, How I Met Your Mother, King of Queens, Family Guy. Way better than “Primetime” TV from 8 to 10 which is nothing more than TERRIBLE reality TV. Before I would turn my PS3 on then stream shows on my computer. It’s nice because I watch what I want, but still. I love post work TV.

Be productive on a Saturday- Hungover or not (more often than not I’d be hungover), I’d wake up and lay in bed for hours playing. HOURS. I was setting records and then breaking them for amount of time spent playing. They should have set up a PS3 achievement just for me and the amount of time I’d spend playing on a Saturday. I wouldn’t get out of bed until the afternoon, late in the afternoon at that. I was PROUD of this. I am  no longer proud of it. I’m intensely saddened that I honestly did that.

Maybe I don’t fix it, maybe I do. Only time will tell. Right now it’s a blessing in disguise as the job hunt has increased 10 fold because a majority of the time I spent playing video games (3-10 hours a day, maybe more) I spend writing cover letters. BTW, COVER LETTERS ARE THE DEVIL. The really are. An example of a cover letter is next to the word “Devil” in the dictionary. Seriously, who invented cover letters? Who? I know the topic of my next post: Cover letters and how I want to kick the person who invented them squarely in the chest. Twice.

Logic aka I am so fly and on fire like a Phoenix wing(Childish Gambino, get behind it)

Alright…we’ve heard about it, we’ve read about, but I know we haven’t seen too much of this week’s ACOTW. Is this a completely predictably ACOTW? Yes. Does anybody care because we all wanna see more of this pretty little thing? Yes. Are we at ATI shamelessly trying to capture some website hits from hornballs looking for Jenn Sterger pics? Oh yes.

The ATI crew has been bantering, obviously, about the Brett Favre Jenn Sterger “scandal” and I have a few WTF questions/points. The first and most important statement is not only to Brett Favre, but to all self respecting men out there: Don’t take pictures of your D piece, and if for some reason you do, Don’t send these pictures to ANYONE. Seriously, how are you gonna just be chilling there, with nothing on but a pair of crocs, and snap a picture of your flacid self?? THATS NOT OKAY! I’ll give points for supa ig’nance, but let’s go…you can look at it whenever you want, it’s hanging right there between your legs. And barring an extremely unfortunate act of God and/or science, it’s going to be there for a while. It’s not like your dick looks better on any given day…”Oh my sh*t is looking good today, lemme snap a quick pic and post it to my mobile uploads..” You sir, are an idiot. I don’t even know why people call it a scandal anyway, Brett didn’t even g’i’nair. He, like most men out there, finds Ms. Sterger extremely attractive…so he tried to have sex with her. LOGIC. Whatever, let’s get into it already.

Lemme see if I remember how to do this. Ahh yes, face. Jenn Sterger’s face is really attractive. She’s a tan white girl with some attitude and a face that says, “Let’s talk football, then let’s talk about how good looking I am, then let’s talk about you sending me a picture of your hang dang…”

I’m gonna go ahead and give her a solid 8 on the face game, she’s bringin’ heat with those eyes and soft features(soft features is a nonsensical term we throw around that essentially means she’s easy to look at).

Next up we have the binary. A quick shot to refresh your memory of what we’re working with…

well…I don’t know, maybe another angle?

Ok, I guess I’ll give her a 1. Goodness gracious. Alright now, on to category #3: body. I can’t imagine dear old Jenny would score that high in this category, God bless her, but let’s examine.

PAGAGAGAGAGA hooray for me billy! Jenn is working with a pretty serious stomach game, and she is clearly all set with her J game. I’m sure those sweater cows are harder than a marble counter top, but I’m not going to sit here and hate on a girl who is simply trying to enhance her assets and jump a couple rounds in the draft. The girl obviously stays in shape, you can tell by the lean and athletic build. Jenny’s friends are early round pics as well, gotta love a group of females that just roll out to a club in some swimsuits. One more pic for good measure…

Wapap! Jenn’s tail is what you would expect, very on par with the rest of her body. It’s not going to blow you away like her girl in the middle(DAMN), but it’s definitely there…and it’s definitely very nice. I mean i’m not quite sure what else to say other than I like looking at it. For the final number I’m going with a 7.

Every man, at least every happily single man, can and should pursue a 817 as fine as Jenn Sterger…so I can’t really hate on Favre. At the end of the day, it would be very tough to refuse her a dong shot if you knew it would pay dividends. Sad but true…sometimes it’s necessary to get a little freaky via your mobile device. What’s the worst that could happen?

Oh yea…my bad Eldrick.

What do y’all think?

Payday tomorrow, IM RIIICH BIITCH

-Grits

In the words of Logic, “I was finna” drop a new music post today… until I saw this:

DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!

That was just pure trash.  Let’s get a quick review:

  • Big a$$ heffa? – Check
  • Horrible rap name? – Check
  • Egregious stunna shades? – Check
  • Unnecessary grill? – Check
  • Ridiculous chest tatt? – Check
  • Too many Ed Hardy summer dresses? – Check
  • Random Black cosigner? – Check
  • Weird hair do involving ROYGBIV colored streaks? – Check
  • Ol’ girl’s kids making a cameo in the song? – Check
  • L.A. Gear light-up heels? – Check
  • TURRIBLE, TURRIBLE, TURRIBLE lyrics? – Double Check

This is just straight up whack.  There’s nothing else you can say about it.  Hi Dolla Honey needs to go back to her day job as that ghetto a$$ secretary at Mo Money Taxes:

-Hotdogs Anderson

P.S. Make sure you play close attention to when she has her grill out.  HER TEETH ARE SO BUSTED!!!  She needs to keep that grill in at all times.

Passion truly knows NO bounds. If it isn’t this, it’s that. If it isn’t that, it’s this. Just a little bit of relief, that’s all I’m asking for passion, that’s all. With that, here’s some Logic for ya drawls.  Below are some thoughts on NBA Free Agency

  • Dear Cleveland Economy, you’re F’d. Sincerely, Lebron James. Let’s break down the NBA Free Agency so far and you tell me if my Logic is on point or not. Though as always, if you don’t think it’s on point its simply because your ilLogical.
  • First things first, Joe Johnson gets ABSURDLY overpaid by the Hawks. Honestly, who are the people who make decisions like this? Let me make stupid ass decisions and I’ll do it for less than half of what you’re paying these guys now. This was the first domino because it narrows the options for the Knicks, Nets, Bulls, etc. Then Rudy Gay stays with the Grizzlies, again narrowing down options. Then the first big domino falls:
  • Amare Stoudemire signs with the Knicks. Is he a max guy? Not if you ask me. But the Knicks had to do something, because they currently have nothing. We’ll come back to this, I think it may prove to be important.
  • D Wade and Lebron both drop hints that they want to stay where they are, but want their teams to show improvement. Both teams try getting better, but both having trouble. Toronto says they would do a sign and trade with Cleveland, Bosh says F Cleveland. Wade beats Lebron in the race for Chris Bosh, Bosh is reportedly heading to Miami with Wade.
  • 15 minutes after Bosh says he’s going to Miami, Lebron says he’s holding a press conference Thursday night to announce his decision. All proceeds from advertisements of the hour long show going to the Boys and Girls Club, props to LBJ for that.
  • Now I clearly left some things out from the free agency period, but included the important parts for my argument that Lebron will be a New York Knick. If you asked me this question exactly 24 hours ago, I would have laughed at the Knicks as an option.
  • Reasoning: He was trying to get Bosh to Cleveland and it wasn’t until AFTER Bosh decided he wasn’t coming to Cleveland. Why wait to say your staying in Cleveland until after Bosh denies you and CTown? Lebron strikes me as pretty Logical, or at least the people around him are. So logically you have Plan A) Bosh comes to CTown and plan B) ?. Plan B to me, HAS to be leave Cleveland, because as I said you don’t wait to say your staying.  So go to play for a first time coach with Derrick Rose? Or go play under Mike D’antoni and with Amare Stoudemire? Yup, I gotta say New York is looking pretty good.
  • If i was to handicap, I’d say 55% NY, 25% CTown, 20% Chitown. Why am I following this so much? This directly affects my life. If LBJ leaves, a black hole will form around the Quicken Loans Arena and Cleveland will collapse into itself.
  • Interesting side note, I know nothing and could be 100% wrong. I HOPE he stays in CTown, but right now it’s just not looking all that promising.
  • My one bit of non NBA related RAL, Cristiano Ronaldo used a surrogate mom. Pause. Yes, Cristiano Ronaldo used a surrogate mom. Or did he just knock a chick up, pay her millions of dollars to stay quiet and to get sole custody? I think part two sounds a little more accurate…

Before I get to the ACOTW once again props to Darkness, Hotdogs, and Cleotus for keeping up with posting. “Logic, does that mean your going to post more regularly?”. No, no it doesn’t.

Now, on to Tuesday’s edition of Area Code of the Week Week. I picked a bad day to do my ACOTW because Darkne$$ killed it. I let out several hearty guffaws while reading. If I’m posting, you know there’s gotta be a damn good reason. That reason, is this:

Ok ok, maybe thats not what she actually looks like…but its pretty damn close. South Park damn near committed an entire episode to clowning this chick and for good reason too, her show is made by the Devil.  Dear Hollywood, please stop telling me that well below average/borderline ugly looking people are pretty/beautiful/sexy/gorgeous/etc because you often will get it completely wrong. See below:

Which one is the horse? I’ll give you a minute.

.

.

.

The one on the left right. That was the opposite of easy, I know. SJP does have quite a horse like quality about her so those two pictures kind of blend together. Time to get down to the nitty gritty right? Lets throw some numbers at her. We’ll go Face, Body, and end with the most controversial: Would you or won’t you?

Face:

What are you looking at Sarah? No seriously, what the hell are you looking at? That’s like a picture you see of someone on Facebook who isn’t looking at the camera because there are like 10 cameras taking pictures at the same time so you don’t know where to look. Hold on, is that her own perfume? Lovely? So she took this picture, and then allowed someone to put it in an add for her own perfume? Does she not realize she looks like in 9th grade biology day dreaming?  People I don’t want my girlfriend to smell like: Sarah Jessica Parker. OK, that picture is definitely perhaps unfair. I may or may not have picked the worst picture I could find. OK, so here’s a better picture. I guess:

Yes, that is a good picture of her believe it or not. You know how I know that? Because I could have put up this one:

Served. Its amazing what a little fame makeup can do. We’ve bantered extensively about what exactly is a 1,2,3,4,etc when it comes to the face. Of course, this is objective and to each his own. Well SJP, consider yourself Logically served: Face=3

Body

This is the only remote picture I could find of SJP’s “tail”. Tail isn’t really appropriate here, her long back with a crack is a much better description. J’s?

Where? At least she keeps it tight, that’s about all she’s got going for her because the rest of her body is scarily bony. Due to the fact that she has all her limbs and is not morbidly obese, she gets a 4 in the body department. Interesting note, the above picture is the best one I could find.  That’s not a good sign…Now for the controversial part, would you or wouldn’t you?

1 or 0?

I think ol boy in the bottom right got that right. If you can’t read it, it says “sooooooooo not sexy”. There’s a problem when your famous and I can find more bad pictures of you than good ones. There’s a problem when South Park makes fun of you for how bad you look. There’s a problem when I look at your picture and immediately feel a sharp pain in my testicles.

Verdict? I spent more time looking at SJP while writing this post than I have my entire life given I’ve never been dumb enough to watch more than 5 minutes of Sex in the City (except for when you’re 12 and see the show is named Sex in the City, so you think your going to see boobs and instead you see four women of which only one is remotely attractive run around the city acting a fool setting an awful example for all younger women. Seriously, suck my balls, but don’t send SJP). Coincidentally, or not, I now think I need glasses.  Congratulations Ms. Jessica Parker, you’re the first 0 in ATI’s ACOTW history.

Sarah Jessica Parker is ATI Dissaproved. Final Score: 304.

Some may disagree with the 0, but I don’t care. You’re wrong. Powder yourself. I’ll be back in a month or so.

What do you think:

Logic aka Women please stop watching Sex in the City, life doesn’t work like that. Well I guess unless you want to be 50 and unmarried, then watch away and emulate everything they do. I hate you Sex and the City. I truly despise you with a passion (read: passion, not Passion).

UPDATE  – Upon reading this post, Cleotus said the following: “SJP invented erectile dysfunction.”. Nuff said

After slackin’ on our pimpin’ and some extensive email banter, ATI has decided to make the week of June 14th, 2010 “Area Code of the Week” Week.

Is she a 919?

Each day this week you’ll get a new Area Code of the Week to spark your work, school, internship, or unemployment banter.   So get ready for some 919s, 616s, 415s, and even maybe a 302.

-Ya Guys at ATI