Posts Tagged ‘love to’

It’s always dark somewhere! Ya heard.

Hope everyone is recovering from “Tell Great Britain to Tahst it” Day.   This week we are going to take a look at something different for MTK.   We had singers and actresses so far…so this week we are going with athletes.   There is a lot of hidden talent out there in the world of sports.   Every now and then you’ll see some chick who golfs, plays professional volleyball, or is a track star get some recognition for being well smashable but certainly not enough.

So let’s take a look at three lovely ladies of professional sports:

Lolo Jones – Professional Track Star

MARRY

Yes sir!  Lolo fo sho sho.  This chick is way faster than me anyway so ain’t no reason in running if she’s chasing…and the ladies chase Darkne$$.  Lolo is a decorated track athlete and fine as a ticket on the dash.  This is a no brainer…sure a track career isn’t long and is very dependent on being healthy (so I can’t be putting her in the pretzel) but she has them good genes.  With my Darkne$$ and her athleticism we are bound to have a lil LeBron.   Also track athletes are muscular but not so much that you feel like the woman in the relationship.  Plus she got that good hair….our kids will come out looking like Jaden Smith.   I teach Lo Lo how to get  low low.

Misty May-Treanor/Kerri Walsh – Professional Beach Volleyball Players

TAP

I can hear the followers now…”but Darkne$$ how are you going to pick two chicks to tap?”.  Simple…they go hand and hand.  You can’t have one without the other.   I don’t know if you can even find a picture with just one of them without the other (GOE).  My guess is that if you got one of them willing to attend the meeting in the bedroom then the other will follow.   Volleyball chicks have also been deceptively hot.  With their long legs and lean torsos and ability to handle balls.  But put them on the sand in bikinis and BOOM!  This sport was definitely invented by a man.    Man can you imagine letting them volley your balls and serve you on the tempurpedic?   Not to mention that they have a couple of gold medals so they like to the be the best AT EVERYTHING!    It looks like Misty may be draggin wagon in that pic above.    I know double tapping is illgal in volleyball but I think they’ll make an exception for Darkne$$.

Candice Parker-Williams – Professional Woman’s Basketball Player

KILL

Candice Parker would not fall into this category but Candice Parker-Williams does.   I was deeply infatuated with her when she was dominating lesser broads at Tennessee.  But then she goes and marries Sheldon Williams! WHAT? And if that isn’t devastating enough they went ahead and procreated.   WHY CANDICE???  Your husband looks like E.T. and your child will most likely look like a gremlin.  Yes she is a beautiful red boned specimen that would probably shoot out a whole basketball team but…I can’t condone marrying so far beneath you.   Sheldon Williams played at Duke – FAIL.  Your brother, Anthony Parker, is one of the reasons LeBron is prob leaving Cleveland – FAIL.  You play for the WNBA and make a whopping $65,000 a year – FAIL.   You could have had Darkne$$ baby…you failed.  You are the weakest link…GOODBYE!

Darkne$$ aka McThuggin’

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Our apologies for missing the ACOTW last week.  Passion was DIIMD so hard that draws were around my ankles.  But I managed to shake it off and have an egregious weekend.

That Broad from Glee is better known as Lea Michele to those of you who actually watch the show.  Cleotus and myself would put Lea in the category of DECEPTIVELY HOT.  She is the kind of chick that you have to take a good long look at just to determine what she is working with, what her ethnicity is, and most importantly…WHAT HER AREA CODE IS!

Ya know she looks like she could be just ordinary hot if she wasn’t on tv or always dressed up and was just an old waterhead from around the way.

Let us go through the Area Code Checklist…

1.) Face

Solid.  She happens to be born in the Bronx to an Italian mother and a Spanish father.   Looks like a winning combo to me.   Up top she is pretty beautiful.  She does have a strong chin and a “hey look at me” nose.  That will cost her some points but not many.  I’m going to give her a 7.

2.) To Smash or not to Smash

1 without a doubt…plus she gets downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  Just ask my man with the firm grip on the twins.

3.) Body

This chick is the queen of the facing forward look how skinny I am shot.

From this angle you can’t tell what she’s really working with.  J Game is appropriate for a girl her size but nothing to write home to mom about.   Long stems which are deceptive considering she’s about 2 foot 2.   But what we all want to know is how is that bootayy???

This was the only pic I could find that even remotely showed the Christmas hams.  She may be from the Bronx but she is no J Lo.  At first glance you could be fooled into thinking their is significant rump there but that’s to the untrained eye.  Darkness sees through those tomfooleries Lea…you can’t raise one leg to get some false curvature out of the booty! LG! This is why I’m going have to go with a 4 for the body.  Being skinny isn’t enough these days ladies.  You gotta be working with something.  Especially since the booty is not just for black girls anymore.

So overall Lea Michele is a 714 or Orange County.

What are your thoughts readers?

Until next time…remember that every girl has an AREA CODE!

Darkne$$ aka Apollo Ohhhhhhh Noooooo