Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

So I’m a little all over the place today, been getting it dropped off in my drawls at work this week. Consider me displeased.

  • Alright, this is really grinding my gears. Why are AMERICANS so obsessed with the Royal Wedding? We do not have a King here. We do not have Queens. No Princes, Dukes, Princesses, Suchesses, etc. So why do people care so damn much about the Royal Wedding? Seriously? I mean do y’all not remember that England tried to drop it off in our colonial drawls in the 1770’s? Now we just let bygones be bygones? Nah playboi. Not me. I won’t even visit England. I hold grudges. So should every other red-blooded Amurican.
  • Now I didn’t major in British Politics, but don’t they have a Prime Minister now? They aren’t even run by the Royal Family anymore are they? Assuming those statements are accurate, that makes this fetish that much more mind bottling (yes, I said bottling)
  • If your obsessed, so be it. But do you really need to wake up at 3, 4am just to watch it? Take the day off from work and all that? Honestly? That’s guffable. I mean mix in a DVR and if you don’t have a DVR I’m pretty sure it’s not THAT big of an event. If I was a boss and someone came in tired as hell or called off from work they would return Monday and find feces on their chair and a note that says “You’re fired” with a picture of Donald Trump.
  • The NFL Draft is tonight. Normally I’m all over the draft. But this year? NOPE(spoken like Lana from archer. Google it if you don’t know what sound bite I’m talking about. Its defeinitely guffers). This lockout has taken all excitement out of the draft for ya boy Logic. I honestly hope the owners get it dropped in their billion dollar drawls in all of these law suits.
  • If the fans don’t boo Roger Goodell I will be mega disappointed.  I’m really looking forward to a chorus of South Park related ginger hatred chants. Don’t let me down fans
  • Speaking of Big Rog, I’d like to kick him in the chest. Which is not as disrespectful as a slap to the face but will inflict maximum bodily harm if executed properly. I will go to a karate dojo to perfect this strike and then use it on The Goodell. He’s cuffing with my football, and I do NOT like it
  • Not sure if I’ve mentioned this previous but I’m a 49ers fan (guff). There’s talk of them drafting Blaine Gabbert. If they do you can all but guarantee a suicide bombing of their facilities before his entire name gets out of Mr. Roger’s mouth. Seriously, I had never heard of Blaine Gabbert until Andrew Luck said he was going back to school. Now he’s battling to be the top QB with Cam Newton (who also shouldn’t be picked high). It really bothers me that I could make better draft decisions than a majority of NFL GMs. Once again, my services are for sale. Why is no one taking me up on my offers?
  • I did not research this in anyway but I will state it as fact: Cleveland is the record holder for A the most consecutive days with some amount of rain and 2 the overall worst weather. This is turrrrrrrble. I really can’t tell you the last time I saw the sun. August 2010?

Happy Draft Night, hopefully I get out of work in time to enjoy it

“Ish just got real like Pinocchio turds”  – Gambino

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This is the Face of the man who will Teach You How To Dougie:

Well, I don’t know if I can call this the Dougie:

Yeah, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that is hands down the WORST Dougie of all time.  It was so bad, I’m going to call this the Douglas.  Needs to have full CCA name status.

Yes kind sir,  can you please Instruct Me How To Douglas?

-Hotdogs Anderson

Ohhh this uggin Deion Sanders doesn’t take ish from anyone!!!

So Steve Mariucci decides to vote “Prime Time” #34 on the list of the Top 100 NFL players of all time.  Deion did not agree with that number.  And I wouldn’t either if i were him; just take a look at his stats:

  • 52 INTs for 1,331 yards (a 25.1 yards per return average)
  • 155 kickoffs returned for 3,523 yards
  • 212 punt returns for 2,199 yards
  • 7,838 all-purpose yards
  • 22 touchdowns: 9 INT returns, 6 punt returns, 3 kickoff returns, 3 receiving, and 1 fumble recovery
  • 8 Pro Bowls

That’s absurd.  So what did “Neon Deion” have to say about being voted #34?

YESSSSS SIRRRRR!!! That ladies and gentlemen was an actual powder slap on live TV.  That was the end of the show too.  That meant he had that baby powder in the pocket of his civil rights suit Steve Harvey suit Choppa Suit during the ENTIRE show.  When the moment was right, he reached in there,  poured a generous amount of it in his hand, took his arm back to last Wednesday, and SLAPPED THE ISH OUT OF MARIUCCI.

I actually don’t even feel bad for the coach.  He’s the only CCA person of non-color on the set, so he should know what he could be getting himself into, ESPECIALLY, with Deion and Michael Irvin on the set together.  They are “barely” fit to be on TV by themselves (be it NFL Network), let alone with each other.  Some say they are the epitome of “folk.”  The “Where’s My Powder” question doesn’t even need to be asked…because it’s on Mariucci’s face.  Tahst.

-Hotdogs Anderson

Forget the all time high in Dougie celebrations last week in the NFL.  This week someone went back to the 90’s and broke out the Carlton Banks.

Carlton must be so proud.

-Hotdogs Anderson

This isn’t fun when they’re winning

Posted: December 21, 2009 by Logic in Sports
Tags: , ,

They won, AGAIN. WTF is going on? You can’t really laugh at and make fun of a team when they win. Last week I was able to but this week its that much harder. Cribbs returning multiple kick offs for touchdowns, 42 points, running backs rushing for as many yards as Browns had this season, Mike Holmgren more than likely coming to Cleveland. I mean what is this an NFL team or something?

Which one of the following people do not belong in this category: Adrian Peterson, Jamal Lewis, Corey Dillon, Jerome Harrison, Jim Brown. If you guessed Jerome Harrison, you’d be correct. But somehow he now holds the record for the 3rd highest amount of rushing yards in a single game. Actually, I know how it happened, they played the Chiefs. The Chiefs are mizzzz, sorry Grits but they are just flat out bad. So maybe the Browns aren’t as bad as I’ve made them out to be. They beat the teams who are worse than them, isn’t that all you can ask for?

In a world where the Browns are winners I feel like I don’t know much, but I do know one thing. The Browns vs. Raiders will be a great game. I mean look at the season, when the Browns play bad teams they play great games. Lions v Browns? Great game. Chiefs v Browns? Maybe the best game in a day full of good ones. Raiders v Browns? Mark my words it will go down in history, either as the worst game every or the best.

All I got, hopefully they get their drawls dropped so we can make a return to the good ol’ posts.

-Logic aka I’m the mother F’er like milf my jigga

UPDATE:

The Browns have brought in Mike Holmgren. This team may resemble an NFL Franchise next year. This is not the NFL I’ve grown to love.

Update 2:
In my haste, I didn’t look at the Browns box score close enough. Well Reason did, and sent me this email:
ohhhhhhhh dude I totally forgot to banter with you on this. please see below.
C/ATT YDS AVG. TD INT Rating
B. Quinn 10/17 66 3.9 0 2 27.7

Those were Brady Quinn’s stats for the KC game. REALLY????? I’ve never seen QBs play as bad as he and Derek Anderson have this year. A winning QB should never have those kind of numbers. These stats make my stomach physically upset. I know the running back did his thing and Cribbs had two to the house but LG!!!!!!!!!!! This ish is not ok.

They uh, uh, won?

Posted: December 16, 2009 by Logic in Sports
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m not used to this. People are happy. The talk show hosts aren’t angry and over critiquing every play and play call. This is new territory for me and I don’t like it. I’m flummoxed

Alas, there is still banter to be had about what I still believe to be the worst team in the NFL. 1, a big F You to the Browns orginization. I waited outside in line to get in for over half an hour and missed nearly the entire first quarter? Are you kidding me? Im still amazed that actually happened. I guess they were operating under the policy if no one sees the first quarter, did it actually happen?

Luckily I didn’t miss anyting. Number 2, what do ya know, another big F You to the Browns orginization. You had the nerve, the NERVE, to still sell sell beer for 8 dollars? Hot dogs for 7? Etc, Etc. It was Negative degrees out, your team sucks, and I’m guessing nearly everyone who attended the game had work the next day. Not aceptable Cleveland, show some love to your miserable fans. A two for one, a coupon, free tickets to the Raiders game? Cuz you know ain’t NO ONE going to that game. Actually, I might, on the long shot that I may see this guy :

Number 3, any win is a good win around here. Hell, its only the second one of the season so they clearly can’t be picky. Especially when it ends a win-less streak to your “rival”. I hate to be, actually I love to be, Debbie Downer here, but all you did was beat another bad team. The Steelers lost to the Raiders and Chiefs before you, and they are your partners at the bottom of every NFL power ranking (along with the Lions and Rams). After the loss, Steeler D Linemen Casey Hampton had this gem of a quote (props to Booze for putting me onto this) “Its a wrap, this shit is a wrap” when discussing the Steelers season.

Next thing you know, this team is gonna luck into wins over the Chiefs and Raiders when they play them and all off season people will be screaming this team is playoff bound. Only to inevitably be disappointed once again next season.

Its amazing how easy these pictures are to find

And 4, everyone is a buzz because Mike Holmgren was in town and supposedly there was a Dolphins plane here today which people think could have been bringing Bill Parcells into town. Randy Lerner (Browns Owner) is looking for a good football guy, like either of these hefty gentlemen are. I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy it. A) no way Parcells interviewed here. Leave Miami for Cleveland? Yea, good idea. The weather is awesome here. B) Holmgren must be using this for leverage with the Seahawks, because this is just not an appetizing job to have. Especially when you probably inherit the worst coach in the league, Eric Mangenius

Hell I could be wrong, maybe Holmgren does come and he and Mangini form a dynasty. I doubt that though. I’ll see you next week to recap Shitbowl 2: Browns vs Chiefs. Which will be followed the week after by Shitbowl 3: Raiders vs Browns.

WHO IS SCHEDULING THESE GAMES???

Logic, but my friends call me Embrace the Martian

It’s about time Logic

Posted: November 19, 2009 by Logic in Sports
Tags: , , , , ,

Damn, my bad ATI. I basically had to let passion drop it in my draws this week so I could take next week off for Thanksgiving. One of the sacrifices I had to make was delaying my weekly Browns post. I know I’m a few days late but its finally that time, and I’m gonna hit you with the “highlights”:

After watching the “highlights” I pose this question, if the Ravens and the Browns play a Monday night game and there’s a second half, does anyone besides the players know it? I think the answer is yes, but ONLY because of sportscenter highlights the next morning. Honestly, if you stayed up to watch that second half after the 0-0(which was the first scoreless half of this nfl season)first half then either A you’re a jerk or B you have no life. For the sake of this post I managed to battle and forced myself to make it to the 2minute warning in the 2nd quarter, then I suddenly realized i was slowly reaching for a rope to strangle myself and had to turn it off.  Because of that, I missed this

That Cribbs hit didn’t look bad, but apparently he had to go to the hospital and stay over night, you never want to see that happen.  Hey Brady, if you stop chop blocking dudes after you throw interceptions maybe the only play maker on your team wouldn’t have had to spend the night in the hospital.  There’s not much more to say about the game itself, it was pathetic and possibly the WORST Monday night game ever(for some reason, week 13 they get a Thursday night game. WHO IS BOOKING THIS TEAM FOR PRIME TIME TELEVISION??????). This is the real news

Apparently Eric “I’m only going to last one year” Mangini made some flattering remarks about Lebron after Lebron said he could probably help the Browns win some games. 1 Mangini said nicer things about King James than he has ever said about a single player on any of his teams. 2 Sad to say, but Lebron really probably could help this team win. Maybe that’s how the Cavs will keep him in the worst city ever Cleveland, they’ll give him the opportunity to play two sports. Yea right, for all those Crazy New York fans let me tell you this. Lebron isn’t going anywhere. He’ll visit, he’ll make it look like NY is the place to be, but he will stay with the Cavs. Fact.

This Sunday we have the Wow This Game Is Actually Happening Bowl between the Lions(gross) and the Browns(yuck).  The question I asked earlier was if the Browns and Ravens play a 2nd half on Monday night, does anyone watch. Well here’s a better question, if the Lions and Browns play, does anyone watch? My guess is no. I’d rather be at work suffering from high amounts of passion than watch this game

Logic