Posts Tagged ‘Stupid People’

The first part of today’s RAL: Two questions I do NOT want you to ask me. Ever.

  • “How was your break/vacation?” Riddle me this: If you were someone who I cared to tell about my break or vacation, would you have to ask? Answer to said riddle: No, no you would not. This question is only surpassed by…
  • “How was your weekend?” I could have had the sh*ttiest, crappiest, most miserable weekend for any human being ever…and I’ll still reply “Great”. Why? Because for two whole days I didn’t have to worry about you asking me how my (insert activity here) was. I hate people.
  • “How’s it going?” What is this mythical “it” that people refer to? Does it fall under the same category as the legendary “merger”? Or perhaps fall under the same umbrella as Dana White’s whimsical “mix”? (Hot Dogs knows what I’m talking about) Whatever “it” is, don’t ask me about it.
  • “There he issssssss” This one isn’t a question. This is obvious because there is no question mark. However, this is still something I do not want you to say to me. There is no way you get THAT excited to see me when I walk in the office. “Hi Logic” would be perfectly OK. As long as it isn’t followed by “How’s it going?”.

Now, I realize that a lot of people ask these questions to be polite. Fine, I get it. But to me, these questions aren’t polite, they’re fake. You don’t care about the answer any more than I want to tell you the answer. Those questions are nothing but a waste of time, and my time is worth precisely $1,538,329. So unless your boring arse question comes with a check, please do not ask it. And onto part two:

  • Dear ESPN, stop trying to tell me that I care about UConn Women’s Basketball losing. I don’t care. In fact, I’m hard pressed to think of 5 things I care about less than them losing.
  • I’m incredibly happy that Butler lost. Back during college football season when Boise State lost, I was ecstatic. You would have thought I was a fan of both Oregon and Auburn with the way I was rooting for them to stay undefeated and keep TCU out of the Nat’l Championship game. Why? I don’t like the little guy. Go ahead, burn me at the stake. I said it. I don’t want to see a “mid major” or a non automatic qualifier win the National Championship. Every time one of these schools get robbed, I smile inside.
  • Unfortunately, I’m still in Cleveland. I’m hoping to make my escape this summer. A few weeks ago Lebron came back to Cleveland for the 2nd time. I almost went to the game. When asked why I wanted to go by my friend, my response was “I wanted to see the pain in all of Cleveland fans eyes as Lebron dropped it off in they drawls”. I was wrong, the Cavs won. I hope they can get over the fact that he’s gone now. When I gave my buddy that answer, he told me I’m going to hell. I responded “No I’m not, because I’d be the happiest person there because everyone would be miserable around me so that wouldn’t be a punishment.” Logic.
  • Why do people still pay M. Night Shyamalan to make movies?
  • Why do people still pay to see M. Night Shyamalan movies? That includes me. I went to see The Last Airbender (No Skinny Jeans) last summer or whenever it was that it came out. Now I’ve made some dumb purchases in my life, but I would have been better served buying used gasoline than paying to see that movie. Once again, I offer up my services:

Dear Major Movie Studio Executives,

I have recently heard that you hired M. Night Shyamalan to direct a new movie for you. If you haven’t noticed, his movies have not been uber profitable or wildly popular. Hiring M. Night is like drafting Ryan Leaf to be your quarterback, you don’t really care about the outcome and possibly expect to fail. If this is the case, I can help you out. I will direct and help write this movie instead of M. Knight and I’ll do it for ¼ of the price. You can use the rest of that money on call girls, strippers, and drugs like a BCS bowl executive. I will be anxiously waiting for your response.

Regards

Logic aka Put my team on the map, Blake Griffin on the court(Props to Childish Gambino for the Lyrics)

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